Crazy Red Leg Mascot Guy
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Tuesday: August 08, 2006 - Crazy Red Leg Mascot Guy
Don't be confused by the graphic--today's image is the same as yesterday's but the entry is different. The Cininnati Reds have this bizarro
(and in my most humble opinion downright creepy) mascot. It's this baseball-headed...guy with these weird vacant eyes. It's scary. It's like
the clown in your dreams when you were a kid. jamie and I had splurged for good seats at the game and we were in
the top of the lowest tier on the third base side. Little did I know that's where he lived. He started moving towards us spraying the hell out
of people with Braves uniforms/hats on with his mega-ultra super soaker. I could understand a couple pumps but this psycho was drenching these poor fans.
But then, oh then, he started going after random non-Reds-apparel-wearing fans. First it was some guy in a Boston hat--he ripped the hat off and gave the
guy's head a good soaking. Then he moved to the Mets fan, where he removed the cap, wiped his mascot-armpits with it, sprayed it full of water and dumped it
back on the guy's head. He was about ten rows away when I decided to run.
Like anyone going bald and wearing a hat, having your hat forcible removed is, as certified MSW Jamie B will assert, very similar to being raped. In some states, as it turns out, it is punishable by the same laws that govern sexual assualt. It's not that your going bald is a secret--everyone knows and that's fine. It's a question of how much. That's the secret that all balding men keep. And here's this hairless, bald-headed, zombie-eyed beast coming to spray my remaining eight hairs.
I don't know how Matt and Jamie can root for the Reds. I'm glad the Cubs don't have a mascot.
Don't be confused by the graphic--today's image is the same as yesterday's but the entry is different. The Cininnati Reds have this bizarro
(and in my most humble opinion downright creepy) mascot. It's this baseball-headed...guy with these weird vacant eyes. It's scary. It's like
the clown in your dreams when you were a kid. jamie and I had splurged for good seats at the game and we were in
the top of the lowest tier on the third base side. Little did I know that's where he lived. He started moving towards us spraying the hell out
of people with Braves uniforms/hats on with his mega-ultra super soaker. I could understand a couple pumps but this psycho was drenching these poor fans.
But then, oh then, he started going after random non-Reds-apparel-wearing fans. First it was some guy in a Boston hat--he ripped the hat off and gave the
guy's head a good soaking. Then he moved to the Mets fan, where he removed the cap, wiped his mascot-armpits with it, sprayed it full of water and dumped it
back on the guy's head. He was about ten rows away when I decided to run.Like anyone going bald and wearing a hat, having your hat forcible removed is, as certified MSW Jamie B will assert, very similar to being raped. In some states, as it turns out, it is punishable by the same laws that govern sexual assualt. It's not that your going bald is a secret--everyone knows and that's fine. It's a question of how much. That's the secret that all balding men keep. And here's this hairless, bald-headed, zombie-eyed beast coming to spray my remaining eight hairs.
I don't know how Matt and Jamie can root for the Reds. I'm glad the Cubs don't have a mascot.
Comments:
Good Things Take Time...
2 days until FSU Football (2010)
Random Picture...
Here we have the naval fleet of Jamaica. Imposing.
Here we have the naval fleet of Jamaica. Imposing.
Time Machine:
09-02-2009
· 09-02-2008
· 09-02-2007
· 09-02-2006
09-02-2009: I think I have the swine flu. I think I caught it during the Counting Crows concert then brought it back. I took the liberty of passing it along to 100+ college students in the hopes of teaching them a valuable history lesson about settlers and smallpox blankets (right Steve?) I actually do feel a little bit better today but I've also slept away the gross majority of the past three days. Tomorrow I have to go back to school and I can't call in sick so by 10am I'll know how bad I have it depending on how many students I inadvertently killed on Wednesday.
Football starts tonight. Thank God. Too bad I'll be asleep and have to miss the first two games. On Monday Tim and Chris are going to come over to watch FSU whomp Miami. Back to bed.09-02-2008: Ok, seriously, we're playing MarioKart tonight at 8pm. SERIOUSLY.
I got sick last night around 10pm for no reason. Just a regular cold but it came out of nowhere and by the time I woke around 2:30pm this afternoon it had almost totally gone away. Weird. I ordered ESPN GamePlan yesterday so now I can watch up to six college football games at once. This is grossly unnecessary but really, few things in life are really all that necessary. The Cubs can't clinch a playoff spot fast enough--my big TV awaits!
I also picked up Ab last night and she and Chompy covered my bed in dirt after running around in the clay before coming in. Speaking of clay, I read that some people crave eating clay while pregnant. Weirdy. Since I'm phoning in today's entry, here's a video that's worth the watch (with FSU alum Richard Simmons no less).
I took the day off blogging but only because I was thinking of you.09-02-2006: After laboring in coal-mine like conditions for the past 11 months I was pleased to get Labor Day off. Over the weekend the only major thing I "accomplished" was buying a new TV for my office. I got it at Home Depot of all places but I wanted a 15" LCD and didn't want to spend $350 at Best Buy for a crap-brand when I could spend $250 at Home Depot for a Magnavox. The TV it replaced did not change channels or allow you to adjust the volume more than once a week. Usually each Sunday I'd decide what channel and volume to watch for the week and then hate my decision to choose Lifetime (hey, Fraiser was on) on near-mute. The new TV is nice and it looks good next to my two flat-screen monitors. Booyah.
Football starts tonight. Thank God. Too bad I'll be asleep and have to miss the first two games. On Monday Tim and Chris are going to come over to watch FSU whomp Miami. Back to bed.09-02-2008: Ok, seriously, we're playing MarioKart tonight at 8pm. SERIOUSLY.
I got sick last night around 10pm for no reason. Just a regular cold but it came out of nowhere and by the time I woke around 2:30pm this afternoon it had almost totally gone away. Weird. I ordered ESPN GamePlan yesterday so now I can watch up to six college football games at once. This is grossly unnecessary but really, few things in life are really all that necessary. The Cubs can't clinch a playoff spot fast enough--my big TV awaits!
I also picked up Ab last night and she and Chompy covered my bed in dirt after running around in the clay before coming in. Speaking of clay, I read that some people crave eating clay while pregnant. Weirdy. Since I'm phoning in today's entry, here's a video that's worth the watch (with FSU alum Richard Simmons no less).
I took the day off blogging but only because I was thinking of you.09-02-2006: After laboring in coal-mine like conditions for the past 11 months I was pleased to get Labor Day off. Over the weekend the only major thing I "accomplished" was buying a new TV for my office. I got it at Home Depot of all places but I wanted a 15" LCD and didn't want to spend $350 at Best Buy for a crap-brand when I could spend $250 at Home Depot for a Magnavox. The TV it replaced did not change channels or allow you to adjust the volume more than once a week. Usually each Sunday I'd decide what channel and volume to watch for the week and then hate my decision to choose Lifetime (hey, Fraiser was on) on near-mute. The new TV is nice and it looks good next to my two flat-screen monitors. Booyah.