Uncle Sam | 04/13/09

Every great hero needs an arch-villain. I finally, after 13 months in DC, found mine. She takes the form of a 17-year old girl who probably enjoys cutting herself. She is in my art class and her newest piece is called "Dismembered Man". Clever. Hold onto that teenage angst sweetheart. I can't even fathom the horrors you've seen growing up in Georgetown but my heart goes out to you.

So there I am mixing up some reds and blues for my piece. It's an early mix and the reds and blues are very bright. The girl, herein "Cutter", walks past me. She says something like "Nice patriotism Uncle Sam." I respond with, "And I call the piece 'These Colors Don't Run'" to which she replies "THE WORLD!" to which I reply, "I see the double-sarcasm was lost on you." Unlike negative numbers, sarcasm is apparently not canceled out when using it twice. I hate this girl and her painted-black jean jacket and hundreds of jelly bracelets.

A lesser man would have rubbed it in her face that I was he was going to get a piece at a show in Georgetown but I accepted he accepted the honor with humility. Why? Because I'm he's a grown-ass man.


T-Chris (Unknown)

So, Paul Revere, what's your painting about? Discuss your motivations and inspirations behind the massterpiece? (You know, besides your hatred of "Cutter".)

Mike (Unknown)

Though the picture is blurry right now, it will eventually contain several black and white vases, one of which will contain a drooping vine which represents death. There will also be an olive outside the vase on the left, which represents death. Finally, there will be a misshapen pear in between the two vases which will represent death.

BU (Unknown)

I call it, "The Condom Whale of Haiti".

Mike (Unknown)

It's not a whale, it's a platter. It's funny you should say that though because when I finished painting it I thought it looked like a fish so I went back and gave it a "scaled" texture.

You should be an art critic once you've killed all the aliens.

Tim (Unknown)

Ah yes in thirty years "Cutter" will be clinging to that last little bit of angst, still dressed in black - but selling you a case of High Life at the Circle K.

If you have the vine, olive and "elephant pear" all representing death, howabout an arrow representing fertility . . . whoa I just blew my mind.

Tree (Unknown)

What a snot-nosed little piece of shit of a teenager. Aside from the black, that pic reminds me of the Phillies road uniforms of the 1970s & 80s.



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