Highlights and Lowlights: Eighth Grade | 04/18/04

Thar she blows, me maties. If this isn't one of my best pieces of art, I don't know what is. Mike sent me a picture of it and it's just as neat as I remember. If you want to see it in all of it's glory click here and expand it.

I woke up promptly at 9am and worked diligently on my arrangements until about 3:30. With those finally checked off my list..what? They're not checked off my list? Oh that's right, my printer ran out of toner at 6:15, right after all the stores closed. Not that I could have run out to get some anyway, since the Crap-Taurus doesn't start. The rest of my day was filled with general malaise. I somehow managed to knock a full bottle of wine off the top of my refrigerator and Jamie and I cleaned it up. I made my worst batch yet of chicken and dump(ling) soup. I tried a new recipe for the dumplings and they all dissolved into the stew. Thank god I had some stale oyster crackers to throw in.

I now must work on my atonal term paper because I'm meeting with Dr. Rogers at 2:30pm tomorrow to go over it.

8th Grade

Highlight: I guess my first real smooch happened on the band trip to St. Louis. Hannah L*ngren. Ah, yes. We started off by playing truth or dare. I also got my first drum set. It still lives in a big stack in my parents' house. For some reason I can't remember much about 8th grade. I ran track and was pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, we got a new kid from South Africa named Simon P*gh and he was faster and got all the glory. That bastard. So where is he now? According to googlism.com: simon pugh is looking forward to building a strong partnership with the club that many of the firmís staff support Whatever the hell that means. We also had a big basketball competition at the end of the year where all of the 8th graders formed two lines and your line had to make a basket before the other team and then pass it back. If you scored first, the person shooting against you was out. When there were two people left, they each went at the same time and I beat Mike Martin for the win. That was my crowing basketball achievement before punching that middle-aged buttsniff in the stomach some 12 years later.

Lowlight: I had a terrible allergic reaction to eating Cookie Crisps for breakfast. It was a terrible idea by parents to get me to eat something other than cookies for breakfast so they got me this cookie-cereal. We were watching a movie in science class and I felt like I was going to pass out. I asked to go the nurse and tried to walk to the nurses' office. I passed out twice on the way and when I got there I had a temperature of 96.something degrees. I got to stay home the next day of school. Mike W*tczak also put his penis on my desk during a homeroom period. God, that kid was weird. I knew listening to that "Pearl Jam" wasn't good for you. He was walking back to his seat from the front of the class, whipped it out and set it on my desk. He was sent to the principal's office. I think my ruined my chances with this girl named Emily, though her last escapes me at the moment. It started with a B and she had red hair. Buchanan? What was it? I also had this terrible retainer that honestly was the size of a small coaster. I wore it because I didn't want braces...until Mr. Zemasky, the effeminate English teacher, told me I wasn't allowed to talk in class when it was in and gave me F's whenever I had to spell a word for our weekly spelling quizzes. If I did take it out to talk he pretended like I still had it in my mouth and he couldn't understand me. That bastard. I remember we had a 16-year old troublemaking student but he was expelled when he brought some sort of weapon to school. Let's see...1993...so it was probably like a mace or something. I remember Tyler L*ndberg catching Christopher R*ndeau pleasuring himself in the bathroom and thereby ruining any hopes of Chris' popularity in high school even though his parents moved to the new, exclusive Ashbury area. Mike R*que also tried to push me into a locker but I managed to punch him in the neck and get away safely. That was as close as I came to being put in a locker...at least for a couple of years.




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