Clemson Sucks | 09/25/04

Thank God we beat Clemson. Had we lost, I might be dead after the fight that would have ensued. Somehow, Jamie and I had seats directly between the FSU student section and the Clemson students section, who came down in droves. And not good, like cash droves. Like, bad, over-privileged, racist, obnoxious, old-money droves. Within the first five minutes of the game, we were all yelling back and forth. Since Jamie and I were in the last row, the Clemson kids would come right up to us and our guys would come storming back. In one particularly unfortunate situation, one of them thought it might be fun to taunt me by waving his arms in my face. Already in the mob mentality I was ready to grab him and fling him over the side into our section where our beefy guys and extremely vicious sorority girls would have eaten him alive. No really, the FSU girls were complete and total bitches, ready to f*** up any gendered Clemson fan. After one of their especially obnoxious celebrations (after the safety) one of the Clemson leader-fans' sandals came off right by us. In a surprisingly aggressive move, Jamie grabs it and chucks it down a half-dozen rows while this idiot is turned around. He realizes his sandal is missing a couple minutes later and can't find it. Oh well. Go Jamie! The best part was her throw hit some beefy FSU guy and he thought the fans above threw it, so he was all screaming at them to come down and fight. I learned that Clemson loves to talk and talk but at the first sign of physical harm they run like hell before they get their tucked in dress shirts and jeans, and plantation dresses dirty. What's worse was just the blatant disrespect on the whole. In addition to their band playing over ours, over the people being honored for their duty in the Gulf War and over our student-Olympians, the fans behind us were heckling this poor, nerdy guy sitting by us. He was really unattractive: skinnier than me and had no chin. The whole Clemson section, including adults up to 40 would chant things like Sen-ior Vir-gin! There were many, many more but that was the only one that is printable this is G-rated column. God, this poor guy. And there's like 200 people chanting at him. Everything he did, they'd start a new, demeaning chant. AND there's a bunch of kids sitting by us with their parents and these Clemson assholes are screaming c*** and other less-than-savory words right in the kids faces. Finally, they were making fun of us, collectively, for being ugly. Ok, good one. Look in a mirror any time lately? I personally would like to nominate Clemson University as the most overweight college in America. Ok, they had some hot southern girls but they all had that dainty finishing-school walk which looks like their boyfriends had broken their backs in a horrible, yet silent case of abuse (the Southern Way). So, Clemson, I hate you.

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