Pink Slip | 11/03/04
An eyelash. That's right, I was about an eyelash away from receiving my first ever pink slip...
It's about 10:00am. I'm poking along on my ASP tutorials online when an email comes in. Like the dozens I get each day from lawyers, this one should not be coming to me. Like most of those dozens, the lawyer is aggravated he hasn't gotten his $60/hr fees yet and decides he's going to take it out on me. Being a mature, responsible employee I send him a polite email back saying that I'll make sure things get straightened out. I then send an email to one of the women in Compliance detailing the guy being a dolt and suggesting we should go out of our way to make sure he doesn't get paid until February...jump forward to 3:30pm. After Ricky gave me a huge head start on my project, I was feeling pretty good. I had just finished celebrating my second successful SQL-populating-ASP query when the woman (or girl) I emailed before calls me. She tells me to come over right now. So I do. At first I thought I had mis-sent the emails. Could I have really done that? I'm always so careful--especially when I've got nasty things to say. But no! I didn't do it. This girl-woman had accidentally replied to him with all of my text underneath hers and he had emailed her back spitting fire. Uh oh.
Within the hour, the big three bosses all knew. He called our Exec. Director and she rallied the big boys. Apparently he was threatening lawsuits against both me as well as the administration (on what grounds? Stupid lawyer). Although they were able to calm him down, he's still going to take it to the Circuit Judge. Whatever that means. Well, back to the point, it's now 5pm and the girl-woman has been crying for the past hour and a half and I've been anxiously pacing, hoping they'd come and tell me what happened. By 5:15 I decided to seek out my "supervisor", Larry, and he assured me it was all good but I needed to talk to the other two headish-honchos. Sharon shocked me by giving me the slightest slap on the wrist and assuring me she has wanted to send an email like that more times than she could count. Knowing I had 2/3's of the popular vote to keep my job I went to see Vicky. Although apparently I had brought great shame on our company, she too told me I had emailed this buttlick exactly what she had wanted to say as well on several occasions. Since Buttlick, J.D. had called her before she knew what happened she said she was shocked to hear that the offending party was me. (Get this!) She said out of the 100 people that worked there, she said I'd be 98th most likely person she would have thought of because I was so nice. A hahaha. Yeah, I'm so nice. It's true. She said this was all a blessing in disguise and now the whole office will undergo sensitivity training. I'm going to be real popular now. Vicky assured me that she was really pleased with all the work I'd done so far and that she was willing to forgive me.
And that's kind of too bad. Don't get me wrong--I kind of like my job and I like having a monthly pay check that doesn't come from a temp agency but the wanderlust was kicking in again and I was already picking out my log cabin as the new governor of Alaska when I was told "don't do it again". Maybe those quotation marks aren't appropriate it. I was advised not to do it again but was it my fault one of my coworkers wasn't as careful as I was? Not that I'm blaming her entirely since I did write it in the first place but come on now. Tomorrow they're going to determine if I have to write an apology email. I was trying to work one out this evening where there'd be a nasty pattern. It can't be too obvious, though. But then again, it can't be too subtle either. I mean, this guy repeatedly emailed me despite it saying explicitly: EMAIL THE GIRL-WOMAN FOR QUESTIONS. HERE IS THE GIRL-WOMAN'S PHONE NUMBER/EMAIL. DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH NON-COMPLIANCE EMPLOYEES (me). Stupid lawyers.
Finally, it was brought to my attention my Halloween update was not up to par. Hence, here are my five favorite types of Halloween candy: Kit-Kat's, Supersized Kit-Kats, Mini-Kit-Kats, Bite-Sized-Kit-Kats and peanut-free M&M's. That is all.