Love Advice for Steve | 01/24/05

Rather than drone on and on about my lousy day, I figure I'll take this opportunity to help you, Steve. Let me give you a quick analysis of this girl that loves you.

1) She's a girl's girl. How can I tell? Let me tell you. She's got the designer jeans AND the TV from the 1980s. You can tell from the remote. This means she's anti-technology, which is never good.

2) Look at those sunglasses on the table behind her. They scream fashion. So what she wants to do with you is beyond me. While we're on the subject of fashion let's hit some main points. That belt is totally passť. I realize in Macomb you're not going to get the nicest stuff but come on, this isn't 2002. Brown with the gold buckle..bleh. She's trying way too hard. And is that a fuzzy shirt? Even a little fuzz: NO GOOD! It's hard to tell from this picture how fuzzy/not fuzzy it is. The belly showing..well, that brings me to my next point.

3) She's new to trying to look cute and sexy. She's trying way too hard. As if the fuzzy shirt wasn't enough, the midriff showing says, "that's what celebrities do, I'm going to do it" while her body language says, "don't look at my belly". Not that she's fat, of course, but she's clearly self-conscious about something. Just take a gander at her arm position. No! Don't look at me! Her nose appears to be a bit beakish and she's most likely thinking about it at all times. She tries to make up for it with a cute haircut, though, so don't despair. Her mouth seems to be a little too high too.

I don't know what to tell you. She's certainly not wife material, but you already know that.

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