Nice Shirt, Ugly | 08/15/05
Whose got a sparkling new house? Me?! Since Jamie has no money while she waits for her new job at TMH to start we decided on a little deal where she'd clean my house for about $100. I went up to the law school to do work and came home to a sparkling new house. She did a killer job. The only thing left for me to do is my office which is a total hell hole but that's alright.
I'm coming down with a cold. I don't really remember the last time I was sick so it must have been a while ago. I ended up going to bed at 10:30pm since I felt so miserable.
Since I've been house hunting recently I've come upon this trend and I hate it: Take your average homeowner in their $120,000 house. They're just finishing up their lousy meatloaf for dinner when they see the show Designed to Sell on one of the hundreds of DIY channels. They notice by adding $43 worth of crap to their house they can add $30,000 to the price tag. In honor of Mark's scripts here's one of my own.
Hostess (an attractive 40 year old): So. Looks like you're ready to sell. Have you made any improvements?
Husband (an overweight 45 year old): Sure did. We went to the dollar store and spent $43 dollars to buy some tooth paste to use as spackle, two "new" cases of yellow-tinted White Out and we stole some gravel from our neighbor's driveway.
Wife (a homely 40 year old with a disney character popping out of her breast pocket): We also landscaped around the yard. By that I mean we planted some things we knew were going to die by the time we moved out.
Hostess: How innovative!
Husband: We spackled over the bullet holes in the walls with the toothpaste and then painted all the rooms this warm yellow.
Wife: We also made over the fireplace using chewed gum and gravel.
Hostess: That's super.
Husband: We're now asking for $30,000 more and we're gonna get it.
Wife: (nods head)
Hostess: Nice shirt, ugly.