Winnegan's Fake | 04/02/06

On Friday jamie and I went out to dinner at TGIF and I noticed two things: lots of people were fat and lots of them were at TGIF. First of all, out of a random sampling of 10 people that did not include us 8/10 were fat. Not just a little overweight but fat. The couple at the booth across from us, an overweight couple next to us ate: a full, heaping order of spaghetti, a big-ass steak meal complete with baked potato and other TGIF'd double fried vegetables (or something) and some other full entree that I'll have to ask Jamie about when she gets back from Orlando because I don't remember. We all could shed a few pounds; fine. But when you need to shed three digits of fat maybe you should rethink going to TGIF (and ordering a couple meals).

After TGIF we met up with chris and michael at Halligan's to shoot pool. They were so crowded that we decided to high-tail it over to Leon Pub. After a brief stop at my house to pick up my license we walked over (hey, gotta work off that TGIF you know) to Leon Pub. It was a bunch of smelly hippies and other malcontents standing shoulder to shoulder. We tried barreling in but the bartender said, "You should have come earlier" so we stood outside while I thought about how I could get in close enough to him to either say something belittling about him or giving him a driving knifehand to the temple. Neither happened so we called pchris and elena and told them that we were changing plans AGAIN and going to Finnegan's Wake.

If you've never been to Finnegan's Wake it's just like my kitchen. Except instead of roaches it's yuppies. They both scare you a little bit, you want to squash them and they swarm en masse. We were able to scare up a corner table for the six of us though and we saw the biggest, nastiest ass crack you've ever seen on this she-normous girl. Some guy also passed and we had to call the paramedics. For you Democratic party members, you'll be pleased to know the Young Democrats of Tallahassee all had their cameraphones out taking pictures of the guy as he was being wheeled away. Classy. No really that's classy, especially the one where you put your thumbs up. "Hey, we're the Young Democrats of Tallahassee, we're trying really hard to be Republican." You dicks.

Anyway, P-Chris came up with the best idea ever. Lease the other side of the building across from Finnegan's Wake and call it Winnegan's Fake. FW is so full people would come in just to sit down. And it could be the total opposite of FW: all the waitresses would be butt-ass ugly but would always get your order right and they'd come promptly to serve you...none of the TVs would have soccer on them. PLUS the gimmicks to attract people write themselves! Thursday Night Only! Spritney Beers! Zed Lepplin! Chixie Dicks! Meatwood Flac! Come on! You know you'd go there. I think P-Chris is starting to scrounge up the venture capital required for this deal right now. Buy your share now for only $100!

I know it's April Fool's Weekend but those whole entry is true. So...kapow. Good luck with your Dissertation Defense marty.




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