Crazy Red Leg Mascot Guy | 08/08/06

Don't be confused by the graphic--today's image is the same as yesterday's but the entry is different. The Cininnati Reds have this bizarro (and in my most humble opinion downright creepy) mascot. It's this baseball-headed...guy with these weird vacant eyes. It's scary. It's like the clown in your dreams when you were a kid. jamie and I had splurged for good seats at the game and we were in the top of the lowest tier on the third base side. Little did I know that's where he lived. He started moving towards us spraying the hell out of people with Braves uniforms/hats on with his mega-ultra super soaker. I could understand a couple pumps but this psycho was drenching these poor fans. But then, oh then, he started going after random non-Reds-apparel-wearing fans. First it was some guy in a Boston hat--he ripped the hat off and gave the guy's head a good soaking. Then he moved to the Mets fan, where he removed the cap, wiped his mascot-armpits with it, sprayed it full of water and dumped it back on the guy's head. He was about ten rows away when I decided to run.

Like anyone going bald and wearing a hat, having your hat forcible removed is, as certified MSW Jamie B will assert, very similar to being raped. In some states, as it turns out, it is punishable by the same laws that govern sexual assualt. It's not that your going bald is a secret--everyone knows and that's fine. It's a question of how much. That's the secret that all balding men keep. And here's this hairless, bald-headed, zombie-eyed beast coming to spray my remaining eight hairs.

I don't know how Matt and Jamie can root for the Reds. I'm glad the Cubs don't have a mascot.




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