Hazing Ideas | 01/30/07
Here are some things I'd do if it were my job to haze someone.
Pretend like we were going on a road trip and then dump them off in the Everglades. I would also try to ensure they were naked by this point.
Punch them in the stomach every time they said a word OR, if they were tired of being punched, they could pay me $10 for each punch they wanted to get out of. Just FYI, if the tried to fight back I would beat them until they were unconscious and then bright them back to the Everglades.
Keep a ton of snakes in their closet, lock them in their bedroom (is that how frat houses work?), then pull a string to release all the snakes while they were sleeping. Yeah, they'd be poisonous. If they screamed in fear that would just increase the Stomach Punch or $10 counter. If they begged to get out they would be brought back to the Everglades because there is no way we'd allow pansies on my fraternity. They could make a film out of this.
I would dress them in long, white sheets then command my fraternity brothers to use them as toilet paper. If any of them removed the sheets before the month of wearing was up I would simply line ALL of them up, in the spirit of brotherhood, and hire monkeys to throw feces at them. Since monkeys probably would not be available to a frat house, we might have to do it ourselves but that's fine.
I would make them all sit down at long tables and force them to eat the pages of Playgirl just to mess with their heads. I would invite our sister sorority to come watch and throw feces at them while they did it.
After the pledge drive was over I would immediately decharter the fraternity so they would have gone through all of that for absolutely nothing. What better what to prepare them for life?