Red Zeppelin
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Thursday: September 01, 2005 - Bring Out Your Co-Eds
I doodled that before Jamie left for Ohio. She's going up there to help her Grandma adjust to life in the nursing home and to assist with the sorting of all her posessions. That translates to me being a free man until Monday. Maybe it'll be roofies and some virgin coeds. Maybe it'll be a trip to Vegas. Most likely it'll be me unearthing an old video game for the computer or working on some arrangements. Man, getting old is the worst.
Google and narcissism do not mix. I look for myself all the time but there are a surprisingly large number of people with my name so it takes a while to find about who wanted to smooch me at some point in their life. I got a note from my 8th grade (I erred originally citing 7th) English teacher who I presume Googled himself and found my line about wishing he were dead in the About Me category. Oops. I could have easily just removed the virtual foot from my mouth and ignored but I replied anyway. I really need to focus my anger on those saps in New Orleans. I've left like 50 million comments around the net today about it so I'm really not in the mood to do it again here. There was one especially funny one where the author said they were eating corpses. It's been FOUR DAYS. If you're eating dead bodies after four days I think you really need to join Kirsty Alley's support group. What was really peculiar was that they made it was another sign of black oppression. The author was black and he made a lot of very reasonable (and seemingly accurate) comments but come on "Brothers eating brothers" isn't exactly the type of thing that makes Joe Whiteman say, "I think he's really onto something and is someone I should take seriously".
I've been putting off a racism-based entry for about a week now so I'll probably do one this weekend. If you have any coeds send them my way before Jamie comes back! I've got the roofies. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 02, 2005 - Cage Dump
Had Ab not taken a big dump in her cage today might have been the most relaxing day of my "Career-Mike" period. Work went smoothly. I got paid and had a nice lunch at Olive Garden with Chris. Afternoon-work was a breeze. Chris and I got to enjoy a beautiful evening while drinking coffee before we went to CompUSA for their Midnight Madness sale. After rebates, I spent about spent about $200 on me and $10 on Jamie. I now have a new wireless connection in the house, double the RAM in the desktop and a new 80G USB Hard Drive so I can keep all my work stuff on it, which will make using the laptop and the desktop equally a heck of a lot easier. After CompUSA Chris, Michael and I hung out. It was a good day.
Apparently Kayne West said "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and said America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible." What about you tough guy? Do you need a Louie Vouitton packpack? I'm just asking because I don't know. Sure you're not doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN to help the blacks so how dare you call out anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I hate W as much as just about anyone in this country or abroad but don't be such a hypocrite. Just because you win a Grammy does not make you a scholar on economics. It means the people who should be saving their money are buying your crappy albums. You call out the president but offer no solutions--or even a detailed enough description of the problem to make it worth our time to listen to you. Talk is cheap asshole. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Weekend: September 05, 2005 - FSU Decimates Miami
Enjoy your raft trip back to Miami you hoodlums. You come up here with your tripped out hoopdies wearing your gold chains and stealing our TVs and now it's time for you to go. Oh sure, there were a TON of you at the game. Probably a good 1/8 of the crowd. Yep, you were all bowing at Devon Hester on the first kick-off thinking he was going to run it back for a touch down. But oh no. That didn't happen. There was silence--a deafening silence only worsened by your fake gold jewlery gleaming in the lights of Doak Campbell Stadium. You had some creative T-shirts and signs: the word Choke spelled out like on a Coke can...all the green and orange signs that screamed WIDE RIGHT!!! but it didn't matter. Not for us anyway, since you were the team that couldn't get off three field goals. We did our best to give you the game. Our offense anyway. You know it's bad when the collective statement from the FSU crowd is: Would it be nice if Chris Rix enrolled for a masters degree? Do we care you had twice the yardage? Hell no we don't. Do we care that we missed a field goal? Hell no we don't. All we care about is that you're now back in Miami and we won't have to see your ugly-guy hot-girl couples for another year. See ya.
Finally, as a tribute to the NCAA, right before the FSU-Chief-Osceola-on-a-horse slammed the spear into the 50 yard line logo, he quickly handed it off to a member of the Seminole Tribe who slammed it in for him. Nothing like a big F-U from Free Shoes University. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Tuesday: September 06, 2005 - But I'm MORE Right
What happened to me!!! I distinctly recall being smart as recently as a few months ago. Jamie's taking the LSAT. I was in the 99th percentile in the now-defunct Analytical section of the GRE. You might think I would be able to aid her in the studying of the Logic portion of the LSAT. But no. I don't know what happened. I do the Sudoku puzzles every day and can crank out a 4-star one in about five minutes. I write code that depends on conditions being true or not. No nuclear warheads have launched because I've made mistakes. Yet when I sat down with the LSAT practice book practically dripping with arrogance it didn't happen. Not at all. I know you're thinking: *I* rule at those logic puzzles. Not these you don't. These aren't the same ones you do in cars on vacation. These don't have one answer for everywhere spot on your grid (grids are for losers, by the way). What are killer are the ones that are not only opened ended but have the word "not" in them. Find the one that ISN'T the right answer. Goddamit. And what sucks even worse is that unlike the questions on the GRE that allowed you to not have to check all the possible answers once you found the right one, on the LSAT you have to find the ones that are MORE right. I've learned a lot about lawyers though. And reaffirmed that I have no desire to be one.
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Wednesday: September 07, 2005 - Family Guy Movie
I secretly received the new Family Guy movie. Thanks Mystery Person X! Since I've been sick all day I decided to lop out a block of time in the middle of the day to watch it. And my God, Chompy--it's great. How could you not love Stewie and Steve Bartman at the Cubs game? I mean seriously. I'm not sure when they're releasing it but I'll probably go see it in the theatre just to make sure that they're getting rich off me.
I found out tonight I'll be doing a website for a sporting good store. Maybe I'll get some hot discounts. I'd like a new baseball mitt.
What's up with all of this new fascination with Rome? When did the history channel stop showing 1 Billion Ways to Look at WWII and The Cufflinks of Hitler and Other Nazi Secrets and replace it with Roman stuff? It's been at least two nights. I did learn that I would not want to be alive then. And probably wouldn't be. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Thursday: September 08, 2005 - Slime Volleyball
If you've never played Slime Volleyball it's pretty fun. Maybe not if you were born after like 1985 and have high expectations for video games but if you've got like 10 minutes or are on a boring call give it a try. I've never beaten the last guy even though I've logged many an hour on the game. There's an easier version of the game (Slime Socer) if you don't care for the original volleyball.
It's been a busy week for the ole Feedback page with a whopping two. I got one from a former UF Pan player who is now doing well in Washington. She didn't appreciate my comments on how sucky their band was. In my defense I've had lot more entries bashing the FSU band. I also got one from Helen, my former Boss at City Hall. She's doing well.
I'm still sick and that translates to not getting a heck of a lot of work done. Saturday is the big football game against arch-rival The Citadel. The Citadel has only played FSU 4 times and has lost by a total of 163-6 including a game in 1960 where the score was 0-0. I'm not a betting man but if I was I'd bet on the Semi-Noles (they'll be the Seminoles again when more than the defense shows up). We didn't play poker tonight like we were supposed to. It's all Kathy's fault. [Comments: 2]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 09, 2005 - Survivor: New Orleans
This afternoon Jamie had some show on called like Date My Mom. I can't remember exactly what it was and since I've been sitting at my computer all day I'm not really feeling too inclined to look it up. Maybe it's like Meet Me Mom And Possibly Date Me. Anyway, it works something like this: some person goes on three dates with the mom of each potential mate and then the contestant picks one mom and gets her girl. It was really horrible and watching five minutes made me unsure whether to laugh at the people that watch that crap or mourn the death of culture in America. Anyway, I had much better idea for a Reality TV Show. Once that's based in reality.
SURVIVOR: New Orleans. Here the contestants can test their strength against homeless thugs, their endurance swimming in toxic goo and their minds trying to figure out what the hell anyone was doing in the first place. It'll be a sure hit. And the winner can get a $2,000 debit card courtesy of the US Government.
In other news it only took me two tries to spell cannibalize correctly. I also finished revamping the April and May 2005 entries. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Saturday: September 10, 2005 - FSU destroys The Citadel
Ouch. Take that Division 2-A Citadel. Yeah, yeah, you were winning at one point. Big deal. We ripped your ass off in the 3rd quarter and didn't give it back until the end of the game. Your fans were good-spirited enough so you're welcome to come back any time y'all want. Ricky and Tami came over before the game and we grilled out. Tami used to be a mascot! Can you believe that? From her stories there is NO way I'd ever put on an outfit like that.
I've also finished all the 2005 Archived Entries. What a pain in the ass. Whenever I feel like procrastinating "real work" I do one of those entries as a punishment. Only half of 2004 to go. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Sunday: September 11, 2005 - Reliving 9/11
Where was I on 9/11? Well let me tell you. I had woken up at 6:00am to "work out". It was Day 1 of my new routine which was going to involve eating a couple bowls of Corn Flakes, some fruit and vitamins and doing push ups. I decided to watch Judge Joe Brown while I was doing this. I only did about three push-ups before I called it a day. I only had a little Goodwill TV which was sitting on a hexagonal end table (the extent of my furniture at the time) so I sat on the floor and watched poor people bicker and say things like "Dontchu tell my dogs to shut up!" Eventually I saw the first plane hit and I distinctly remembering thinking how someone could miss the World Trade Center. Dumbass. Then the second one hit--uh oh. I figured the world was coming to an end but I still went to class. After our first class FSU cancelled classes and we all stood outside in the breezeway. Dr. Spencer walked by and said something witty. Then we went home. My only other 9/11 memory is everyone coming over to my apartment when SNL did their first show afterwards. Paul Simon played The Boxer and the trumpet player screwed up. Ta-da.
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Monday: September 12, 2005 - Different Color Ribbons
Oh my God, Chompy. When is enough enough? How many more ribbons can be made? Listen, I'd like to eradicate all of these terrible diseases but come on. Just because I wear a red ribbon (AIDS/HIV, Heart Disease, Drunk Driving, Lymphoma, MADD, DARE) doesn't make me want it any more than anyone else. What happens once everyone is aware of everything? We all live in bubbles? Because we saw a blue ribbon? (Child Abuse, Colon Cancer, Education, Free Speech, Reyes Syndrome, Victim Rights, Water Quality) And what happens when even see one now?
Here's what each color means. As of today:
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Tuesday: September 13, 2005 - How Much Is Enough?
Let me ask you a question. How much money is enough for you? To live very comfortably for the rest of your life? Let's find out. Most of us are in are mid to late 20s. Let's say we're 25 and we plan to live until we're 80. We now have 55 years of spending of ahead of us. First we need a house. And not just any house--a comfortable house. Something like 2500 square feet. And we don't want to live just anywhere--we want something good. Let's take Moorestown, NJ--the best place to live in America in 2005. So we've now spent $275,000. Let's take a generous hearty $120/mo for utilities--around $80,000 for your life. You gotta eat. I eat a lot and spend about $500 a month; another $330,000. Ok...food...water...shelter...oh right, cars. You're going to buy at least five more cars and since we're living comfortably we might as well spend $25,000 per car ($125,000). Now for the luxuries. Cable TV/Internet will run you about $100/mo ($65,000), your home furnishings and upkeep another $5k/yr ($275,000). Went to school? Might as well get that Ph.D--another $120,000. Got a pet-$55,000 more. A kid, through, age 17 is going to cost you $230,000 (ouch). What else do you need to spend money on? Health Care? How's $250,000 sound. And just for kicks, let's give ourselves $5k/year ($275,000) to blow on whatever the hell we want. Ta-da. Now, let's start counting.
So now we owe a little over $2 million dollars. There is good news, though--if you're married you can whittle your portion down to about 70% of that--or a little less than a million and a half dollars. Yikes. Before you freak out, over 55 years you'd only have to earn (after taxes) $27,000. Impossible you say. Too bad you want to retire. At like, age 60. So now we only have 35 years. Eek. But I've got good news--you only need to net $41,000/year. And with your Ph.D you should be able to make at least double that. So where does all the extra money in this country go?
I know what you're saying--this doesn't take into account a bunch of things--taxes...savings...etc. Fine. But think about it. If each American only needs $2million dollars each to live nearly in the lap of luxury and there only 300 million Americans we only need $600 million dollars. So there you go. We're spending $10b to rebuild New Orleans. I don't get it. [Comments: 1]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 14, 2005 - I Hate The Three Stooges
I miss teaching. I went out to lunch with Bryan Richards to Olive Garden today and he filled me on all the latest gossip. Apparently LaTosha, the general assistant, was fired for running up $600 bucks on the College of Music credit card. Knowing she'd be busted she just stopped coming to work.
I had a total shortage of creativity today. I had been thinking recently that I spend so much time writing code for sites that I missed the actual design for them. Today I had my chance to sit down and come up with something awesome. Instead I came up with total and complete crap. When I'd get stuck writing music I had a plan. A two-fold plan: more rhythm and steal. Not blatantly steal but listen to something unrelated, transcribe it, and adapt it. Then in a couple days (when the creativity came back) I could overwrite the more obvious sections. Rhythm never lets you down--ever. Don't get me wrong, I like chords and melodies but regardless of the genre the best music is driven by killer rhythm.
You know what I hate more than those ribbons? Those Support The Troops magnets people plaster to the back of their gas guzzling cars. I don't get it. Well, I understand supporting the troops (except the Navy--do they even DO anything?). They're braver than any of us; I get it. But is there anyone NOT supporting the troops? Walking around saying, "Man, I love being at war but damn, I hate the guys doing it". I don't think so. Whether you're for beating the living bejesus out of Iraq or not don't you want our guys to come home safely? I mean, except those in the Navy. But all the rest of them? I just don't get it. I don't have a magnet on my car that says: I Support Breathing. Don't we all support breathing? Can we at least agree that breathing is good? I don't get it. Poker tomorrow at 7pm so show up. I've got some great pics saved up for the rest of the week. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Thursday: September 15, 2005 - Happy Birthday Brian!
Happy Birthday Brian! You're come down here in like a week. I'm going to try to pull together a special poker night. Speaking of poker, I have something to say to everyone that played last night. Thank you. Thank you so much for your money. Brian, thank you. Jamie, thank you. Theory-Chris, thank you. Elena, thank you. Kathy, thank you. And finally, although you were *this* close to not only NOT giving me your money AND taking mine, Poker-Chris, thank you for your money. Or Elena's. However it works over there. Had the last card of the game been different this would have been a standard poker-night-entry with me bitching about how unlucky I was. Instead, I got lucky and it was nice. P-Chris has the same skill that Ricky has--that special something that makes me totally wig out one-on-one. But last night I totally snuck one out. Pow.
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Friday: September 16, 2005 - Fake SMiles
Have you ever seen two more fake smiles? Ah, politics. George Bush loves to talk about freeing the world from tyranny. Yet there is he shaking hands with Hu Jintao. And smiling. At least I understand why Jintao is smiling--China essentially owns the United States--they own about $1 trillion of our debt. They're not going to call it in any time soon, of course. If they did, our economy would collapse and bring down the rest of the world's with it. But when you own $1 trillion of any other country, you can be pretty sure they're not going to interfere with ...a certain nameless island off your coast. Even if that little island has been promised it would be protected by the world's largest collection of armed forces. So once China decides it wants to take over Taiwan for keeps, they're going to do it. And then, my friends, we're screwed. Do we show the world how much we love to blow smoke and let China just do it? Or do we try to save Taiwan and have China destroy us in every way fathomable? The only other option is to blow the off the planet before they can retaliate but I have a feeling the World At Large would not be too happy and probably then blow us off the planet. So if any of you have a trillion dollars and want to own the United States...you know, do it. Ok, Bill?
(Mini-Update: 2am) I just came up with a joke. What's Cindy Sheehan's preferred means of contraception? Pulling Out.
Oh man, I should work for Leno. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Saturday: September 17, 2005 - FSU Dismantles Boston College
For a week all I read on the sports sites were how BC was going to stick to FSU. Our budding QB totally dismantled Boston College in the second half and it was all good. Jamie and I went over to P-Chris and Elena's to watch the game with them and their buddy Tim. Tim went 219/220 in our Pick 'Em. That's pretty good. I had a little extra time in Photoshop today so let me point out a few key features. If you look carefully you can see Chompy preparing to maul some BC fan as well as a raven eating the brains of the BC Eagle. Originally Alumni Stadium was going to be in space but it didn't look as cool as I was hoping. In the long run it doesn't matter because the winner of the ACC Coastal is going to get eaten alive by Virginia Tech. But until then Go State!
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Sunday: September 18, 2005 - Ranch Tooth
Ranch! Oh man, whoever Wendy's hired to do their new advertising should get double their current pay. I like the new, boxy characters and LOVE that Ranch Tooth. While I hate ranch dressing and would never for one second consider eating the crap they consider "food" I still think that tooth is pretty cute.
FSU leapt over Georgia to become the nation's sixth best team. If the BCS-season ended today the #1 Seminoles would play the #2 Gators. And they'd rip us apart. It's unfortunate that we play them during the season, ensuring we would never play them for the National Championship. I wish people would stop making such a big deal about USC. Their schedule is a cakewalk. FSU plays five Top 25 teams and USC plays two. Come on. Even Florida, while I'm required to root against them, comes out of a strong conference and had to beat talented teams to get where they are. Enough about football.
Just five days until Brian comes down and 20 days until my birthday. The dreaded 2-6. The day that officially notifies you that you're closer to 30 than 20. Since my birthday falls on a Sunday I'd really like to have a big party the Friday before. It's been a long time since I had a big party. Not that I don't enjoy gathering with close friends but sometimes you just want to let it all hang out. And I want to let it all hang out. That's right--all of it. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Monday: September 19, 2005 - Grow Walkthrough
Oh, Ricky. Why, OH WHY, did you have to send me that game!!! I was totally addicted to Hapland as well as Hapland 2. The last thing I needed tonight was a distraction like this. I'm not pround. I'll admit that it took me 29 tries to get the right order. I was on the phone for a couple but I admit freely that most readers will solve it in less tries. For those of you taking the LSAT next month give it a try. I'll even give you some LSATesque hints. At the bottom is the solution. A walkthrough, if you will. But first hints.
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Tuesday: September 20, 2005 - Happy Birthday Grandma Doris!
It has been brought to my attention that the games I enjoy are too difficult for the casual reader. That's fine. Today I offer Fishy. In this game you start as a small fish and your goal is to consume the contents of the lake. The only downside is that you can only eat fish smaller than you. The upside is that for each fish you eat you grow an indistinguishably bit bigger. It'll take you about 15 minutes or so from start to finish so there's no huge time commitment involved. The biggest problem you'll face is thinking you're bigger than a certain fish and end up dead and having to start over.
Only three more days until Brian's weekend visit. I had a relatively light work day and decided to buy some new "fat" jeans. I'm now a solid 32x32 (or sometimes 32x34) so I'm really in retail heaven. No more having to order 28x34 jeans from freak-stores online. Getting fat was one of the best things I've ever done and I'd highly recommend it to anyone. I know what you're thinking--that I'm not really fat. But I'm fat for me. Weighing in at 170 lbs is a big deal. Until last year I was stuck at 145 and no ammount of McDonald's or apathy could get the number higher. Strangely enough I've eaten more fruit and vegetables in the past twelve months than another other time in my life. My God Ab, healthy eating makes you fat.
Happy Birthday Grandma Doris. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 21, 2005 - Hidden Track
Theory-Chris and I got together last night to record one of the pieces going on the winner's Poker CD. With a range from roughly E (below the bass clef staff) to the C above it, I'm really incapable of singing most songs. What's worse is when I sing a melody line that low it gets all jumbled in the chords so I recruited someone not only with a wider range but someone whose voice is about 100x better than mine. Unfortuantely, we lost the best take when I think I plugged the microphone of the mini-disc player into the headphone jack. This one isn't bad by any means though. In order to appreciate the effect of this one you have to pretend you've just walked into your house from some trip and there's a message on your answering machine.
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Thursday: September 22, 2005 - FSU Foundation
Woo--oooh. It's the Carolina Triangle of Death and Destruction. With Brian coming to Tallahassee and Jamie and P-Chris going to Gainesville the Caroline Triangle of Death and Destruction becomes very easy to see. For Brian's trip we tried to find a bunch local ma and pa Applebee's and Chili's so Brian could get some southern cooking. He comes around 8pm and Jamie leaves at 4pm so sadly they're not going to meet. Even though Brian won't be able to update I'll fill you in on what we're doing. Much like the last time Jamie went out of town I plan to score some roofies and then find some co-eds.
On Saturday we have a gig for the FSU Foundation. Gigs are good but I also remember why I hate having anything to do with their organization. After the gig we're playing some serious poker and doing some serious drinking. Kelly and her boyfriend are coming. Kelly hasn't played since Steve was here on Spring Break but she's been playing lot online and that makes me nervous. I need to call my old neighbors Kent and Sarah since N-Brian will be in North Carolina and someone has to represent the neighborhood. God, this update sucked. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Weekend: September 24, 2005 - Weekend of Uri
On Friday I met Chris for lunch at Andrews and finished up some work before Kathy and I picked up BU from the airport. The flight was delayed for about an hour so Kathy and talked about the game of the weekend (Settlers of Catan[ia]). We got to the airport right as he was walking towards the luggage (not that he had anything checked, of course) and after a quick discussion about the possibility of his wearing dark jeans (he wasn't) we got in the car and headed to Applebees. We had a quick dinner and then went back to my house to play Kathy's new game. Honestly, it sounds like the lamest game (that doesn't involve a dwarf or warlock) but it's actually pretty fun. We got in two games and Kathy and Brian went back to Kathy's.
The next morning, since we had gone to bed around 3am, we had a late homemade breakfast at Kathy's before coming back to my house for some practice poker. I picked up Chris for a gig around 5pm and Kathy and Brian went to see that new Jodi Foster movie. The gig was probably the easiest $100 I'd ever made even if we weren't sounding our best. Everyone there was absolutely blitzed and we only played for about 75 minutes. We tried to make some new friends and invited them to the party but they didn't show. They were neo-hippies with corporate jobs and according to Chris, they (husband and wife, Jenn & Jaime) wanted to get it on with me and Matt. Whatever. Chris and I went to Publix after the gig to get some pizza and the booze our bodies craved and then went back to my house to tidy up in the ten minutes before everyone arrived. Elena came first and was kind enough to bring her massive set of poker chips. Within about a half hour everyone had arrived and we got down to poker-business. Kathy decided we should divide into two tables so everyone drew numbers and sat either in the living room (Kathy, Elena, T-Chris and Marty) or at the kitchen table (Brian, Ian, Renee, Pete and me). The plan was to eliminte all but two people from each table and then recombine to determine the winner. My table was a total throw-down with four ballsy players (and Pete) and within 40 minutes Ian and I had survived. At the other table, with their billions of chips, they decided to play a little more conservatively and took an extra 90 minutes before Theory-Chris was knocked out. Brian figured out they had 9.2x times as many chips and they traded into our currency for the second half. Marty kicked all of our asses. There's really no nice way of saying it. He wasn't particularly lucky or caught a lot of breaks--he just totally kicked our asses. For those of you scoring at home:
Ian knocked out Pete (T2: 10:15pm)
Ian knocked out Renne (T2: 10:25pm)
Mike knocked out Brian (T2: 10:40pm)
Elena knocked out Theory-Chris (T1: 12:15am)
Tables Combined (12:45am)
Marty knocked out Ian (1:15am)
Marty knocked out Elena(1:30am)
Mike knocked out Kathy(1:40am)
Marty knocked out Mike (and won: 1:50am)
After eight beers, I woke up today (Sunday) hungover at 9:30 so I could go with Kathy to take Brian to the airport. We dropped him off and I think gave the most awkward hug of all-time. Anyway, Kathy and I went to Jenny's Lunchbox for breakfast and coffee then I came home and I slept off the rest of my hangover. I'm feeling great now and totally ready for Desperate Housewives (which of course will get a separate update later). Thanks for coming Brian! You got any wheat? I've got two for one sheep.
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Sunday: September 25, 2005 - Desperate Housewives is Back
Hooray! Desperate Housewives is back and the Desperate Housewives Prediction List is finally up. It was taking a really long time to make but last night I came across a way to really simplify it so there it is. Use it a lot. We went over to P-Chris and Elena's to watch and man, it was awesome. Like they'd really kill Rex and Zack back to back. Please. I mean come on. Of course the biggest question is who is the new family is keeping locked in their basement. Judging from the son's comments about the dad being dead you would have to assume that it's the dad but who knows.
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Monday: September 26, 2005 - Desperate Housewives Predictions
OOPS! It was pointed out to me that I was wrong in the order of our poker losing. Unforunately, looking at the log of the conversation it cut out who beat who. I *think* Ian knocked out Elena and Marty knocked out Ian. I *think*. But it might take Elena or Ian or Marty to set it straight.
The new Desperate Housewives Prediction List has barely been used! Come on! I think I caught some "Futon Disease" (as Brian would call it) and now I've got a cold. Tonight I watched the LSU/Tenn. game. FSU should be #5 now. Go State! [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Tuesday: September 27, 2005 - Crazy Old Man Jack: Part VIII
Although Toni handled it really nicely, I'm still really, REALLY pissed Jack cut my hours again. This is getting out of control. Yes, I work from home. Yes, I have other sources of income but I've been misled from Day 1. It's nice working from home. I admit it. In return for my working at home, I don't put all the times I check emails and write emails. Or talk on the phone to discuss whatever random shit is on your mind. But come on. I submit only the time I'm writing code or writing a serious email that you need to see a draft of first. Every now and then some research where I was explicitly asked to find something. Unlike my coworkers, the work I do can't be done in a single sitting. Sometimes it takes a couple weeks to get something to work right. I can't help that. If I could build entire websites overnight with every feature any client wanted I'd be filthy rich by now. But I can't build them overnight. Sorry. I can't wait for that big, fat HELL NO from the Templeton Fund to come in.
I also bought two new shirts. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 28, 2005 - Sweat Shop Deals
After Jamie and I met for lunch at the Sweet Shop (is this supposed to be a play on Sweat Shop?) I went to Dillard's for a massive sale. I'm not really that into shopping but when Jamie's intern said he got like 6 pairs of dress pants for $30 I figured I'd go look. Sure enough, everything was crazy on-sale. I got three $50 shirts for $7 each. I could have spent a lot more time and money there but decided to home and nap. I'm still not totally over this cold.
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Thursday: September 29, 2005 - All My Friends
Recently I've had a hard time falling asleep. Between the work stress and the casual shift of hours back towards *really* late/sleep *really* in I'm totally off-kilter again. It doesn't help that I've been having very realisitic dreams that make me no less tired.
We had a modest turn out for poker last night: me, Jamie, N-Brian and T-Chris. Last night was a very peculiar game. No one ever sucked out. Not that I remember anyway. I think we all had our hands by the end of the turn and I don't really remember any demoralizing blows. But that's what happens when you win. You forget how crushed other people felt. There are two things I'd like to do within the next week. Number one: Find a fast way to update people's names with their links. I wrote a page that I can plug in an entry and it changes the names to links but that takes so long. The other choice is just writing includes()'s so instead of typing: <a href="http://www.urizone.net">Brian</a> said my futon had AIDS. I could just type <? require('brian.php'); ?>. I know what you're saying. Why's that a big deal? Because I have to look up everyone's link when I use their name and some of them are really long and hard for me to remember. The second thing I'd like to do is go back through the old entries and make a chart of who won in poker. Everyone thinks they lose a lot more than they win (which is true due to the painstaking measures for parity) but I know I overlook the times when I win so I can think "Tonight's GOTTA be my night. I haven't won in AGES" when really I won two weeks ago. Speaking of poker, I was dealt K/J a ridiculously high amount of times last night. Not that I'm complaining. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 30, 2005 - Poker Update
k, since we started playing regularly with N-Brian, Elena & P-Chris the first week of July here are the stats:
Me (5 wins)
Poker-Chris (3 wins)
Theory-Chris (3 wins)
Jamie (1.5 wins)
Elena (1.5 wins)
N-Brian (1 win)
Michael (1 win)
Marty (1 win)
Liz (1 win)
And there you have it. Before July we played more with T-Chris and my former co-workers from the State. I didn't really keep track of who won except the nights I would win. I know I won a couple but Ricky probably won a half-dozen, including at my birthday party almost a year ago. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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I doodled that before Jamie left for Ohio. She's going up there to help her Grandma adjust to life in the nursing home and to assist with the sorting of all her posessions. That translates to me being a free man until Monday. Maybe it'll be roofies and some virgin coeds. Maybe it'll be a trip to Vegas. Most likely it'll be me unearthing an old video game for the computer or working on some arrangements. Man, getting old is the worst.Google and narcissism do not mix. I look for myself all the time but there are a surprisingly large number of people with my name so it takes a while to find about who wanted to smooch me at some point in their life. I got a note from my 8th grade (I erred originally citing 7th) English teacher who I presume Googled himself and found my line about wishing he were dead in the About Me category. Oops. I could have easily just removed the virtual foot from my mouth and ignored but I replied anyway. I really need to focus my anger on those saps in New Orleans. I've left like 50 million comments around the net today about it so I'm really not in the mood to do it again here. There was one especially funny one where the author said they were eating corpses. It's been FOUR DAYS. If you're eating dead bodies after four days I think you really need to join Kirsty Alley's support group. What was really peculiar was that they made it was another sign of black oppression. The author was black and he made a lot of very reasonable (and seemingly accurate) comments but come on "Brothers eating brothers" isn't exactly the type of thing that makes Joe Whiteman say, "I think he's really onto something and is someone I should take seriously".
I've been putting off a racism-based entry for about a week now so I'll probably do one this weekend. If you have any coeds send them my way before Jamie comes back! I've got the roofies. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 02, 2005 - Cage Dump
Had Ab not taken a big dump in her cage today might have been the most relaxing day of my "Career-Mike" period. Work went smoothly. I got paid and had a nice lunch at Olive Garden with Chris. Afternoon-work was a breeze. Chris and I got to enjoy a beautiful evening while drinking coffee before we went to CompUSA for their Midnight Madness sale. After rebates, I spent about spent about $200 on me and $10 on Jamie. I now have a new wireless connection in the house, double the RAM in the desktop and a new 80G USB Hard Drive so I can keep all my work stuff on it, which will make using the laptop and the desktop equally a heck of a lot easier. After CompUSA Chris, Michael and I hung out. It was a good day.Apparently Kayne West said "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and said America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible." What about you tough guy? Do you need a Louie Vouitton packpack? I'm just asking because I don't know. Sure you're not doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN to help the blacks so how dare you call out anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I hate W as much as just about anyone in this country or abroad but don't be such a hypocrite. Just because you win a Grammy does not make you a scholar on economics. It means the people who should be saving their money are buying your crappy albums. You call out the president but offer no solutions--or even a detailed enough description of the problem to make it worth our time to listen to you. Talk is cheap asshole. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Weekend: September 05, 2005 - FSU Decimates Miami
Enjoy your raft trip back to Miami you hoodlums. You come up here with your tripped out hoopdies wearing your gold chains and stealing our TVs and now it's time for you to go. Oh sure, there were a TON of you at the game. Probably a good 1/8 of the crowd. Yep, you were all bowing at Devon Hester on the first kick-off thinking he was going to run it back for a touch down. But oh no. That didn't happen. There was silence--a deafening silence only worsened by your fake gold jewlery gleaming in the lights of Doak Campbell Stadium. You had some creative T-shirts and signs: the word Choke spelled out like on a Coke can...all the green and orange signs that screamed WIDE RIGHT!!! but it didn't matter. Not for us anyway, since you were the team that couldn't get off three field goals. We did our best to give you the game. Our offense anyway. You know it's bad when the collective statement from the FSU crowd is: Would it be nice if Chris Rix enrolled for a masters degree? Do we care you had twice the yardage? Hell no we don't. Do we care that we missed a field goal? Hell no we don't. All we care about is that you're now back in Miami and we won't have to see your ugly-guy hot-girl couples for another year. See ya.Finally, as a tribute to the NCAA, right before the FSU-Chief-Osceola-on-a-horse slammed the spear into the 50 yard line logo, he quickly handed it off to a member of the Seminole Tribe who slammed it in for him. Nothing like a big F-U from Free Shoes University. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Tuesday: September 06, 2005 - But I'm MORE Right
What happened to me!!! I distinctly recall being smart as recently as a few months ago. Jamie's taking the LSAT. I was in the 99th percentile in the now-defunct Analytical section of the GRE. You might think I would be able to aid her in the studying of the Logic portion of the LSAT. But no. I don't know what happened. I do the Sudoku puzzles every day and can crank out a 4-star one in about five minutes. I write code that depends on conditions being true or not. No nuclear warheads have launched because I've made mistakes. Yet when I sat down with the LSAT practice book practically dripping with arrogance it didn't happen. Not at all. I know you're thinking: *I* rule at those logic puzzles. Not these you don't. These aren't the same ones you do in cars on vacation. These don't have one answer for everywhere spot on your grid (grids are for losers, by the way). What are killer are the ones that are not only opened ended but have the word "not" in them. Find the one that ISN'T the right answer. Goddamit. And what sucks even worse is that unlike the questions on the GRE that allowed you to not have to check all the possible answers once you found the right one, on the LSAT you have to find the ones that are MORE right. I've learned a lot about lawyers though. And reaffirmed that I have no desire to be one.
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Wednesday: September 07, 2005 - Family Guy Movie
I secretly received the new Family Guy movie. Thanks Mystery Person X! Since I've been sick all day I decided to lop out a block of time in the middle of the day to watch it. And my God, Chompy--it's great. How could you not love Stewie and Steve Bartman at the Cubs game? I mean seriously. I'm not sure when they're releasing it but I'll probably go see it in the theatre just to make sure that they're getting rich off me.I found out tonight I'll be doing a website for a sporting good store. Maybe I'll get some hot discounts. I'd like a new baseball mitt.
What's up with all of this new fascination with Rome? When did the history channel stop showing 1 Billion Ways to Look at WWII and The Cufflinks of Hitler and Other Nazi Secrets and replace it with Roman stuff? It's been at least two nights. I did learn that I would not want to be alive then. And probably wouldn't be. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Thursday: September 08, 2005 - Slime Volleyball
If you've never played Slime Volleyball it's pretty fun. Maybe not if you were born after like 1985 and have high expectations for video games but if you've got like 10 minutes or are on a boring call give it a try. I've never beaten the last guy even though I've logged many an hour on the game. There's an easier version of the game (Slime Socer) if you don't care for the original volleyball.It's been a busy week for the ole Feedback page with a whopping two. I got one from a former UF Pan player who is now doing well in Washington. She didn't appreciate my comments on how sucky their band was. In my defense I've had lot more entries bashing the FSU band. I also got one from Helen, my former Boss at City Hall. She's doing well.
I'm still sick and that translates to not getting a heck of a lot of work done. Saturday is the big football game against arch-rival The Citadel. The Citadel has only played FSU 4 times and has lost by a total of 163-6 including a game in 1960 where the score was 0-0. I'm not a betting man but if I was I'd bet on the Semi-Noles (they'll be the Seminoles again when more than the defense shows up). We didn't play poker tonight like we were supposed to. It's all Kathy's fault. [Comments: 2]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 09, 2005 - Survivor: New Orleans
This afternoon Jamie had some show on called like Date My Mom. I can't remember exactly what it was and since I've been sitting at my computer all day I'm not really feeling too inclined to look it up. Maybe it's like Meet Me Mom And Possibly Date Me. Anyway, it works something like this: some person goes on three dates with the mom of each potential mate and then the contestant picks one mom and gets her girl. It was really horrible and watching five minutes made me unsure whether to laugh at the people that watch that crap or mourn the death of culture in America. Anyway, I had much better idea for a Reality TV Show. Once that's based in reality.SURVIVOR: New Orleans. Here the contestants can test their strength against homeless thugs, their endurance swimming in toxic goo and their minds trying to figure out what the hell anyone was doing in the first place. It'll be a sure hit. And the winner can get a $2,000 debit card courtesy of the US Government.
In other news it only took me two tries to spell cannibalize correctly. I also finished revamping the April and May 2005 entries. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Saturday: September 10, 2005 - FSU destroys The Citadel
Ouch. Take that Division 2-A Citadel. Yeah, yeah, you were winning at one point. Big deal. We ripped your ass off in the 3rd quarter and didn't give it back until the end of the game. Your fans were good-spirited enough so you're welcome to come back any time y'all want. Ricky and Tami came over before the game and we grilled out. Tami used to be a mascot! Can you believe that? From her stories there is NO way I'd ever put on an outfit like that.I've also finished all the 2005 Archived Entries. What a pain in the ass. Whenever I feel like procrastinating "real work" I do one of those entries as a punishment. Only half of 2004 to go. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Sunday: September 11, 2005 - Reliving 9/11
Where was I on 9/11? Well let me tell you. I had woken up at 6:00am to "work out". It was Day 1 of my new routine which was going to involve eating a couple bowls of Corn Flakes, some fruit and vitamins and doing push ups. I decided to watch Judge Joe Brown while I was doing this. I only did about three push-ups before I called it a day. I only had a little Goodwill TV which was sitting on a hexagonal end table (the extent of my furniture at the time) so I sat on the floor and watched poor people bicker and say things like "Dontchu tell my dogs to shut up!" Eventually I saw the first plane hit and I distinctly remembering thinking how someone could miss the World Trade Center. Dumbass. Then the second one hit--uh oh. I figured the world was coming to an end but I still went to class. After our first class FSU cancelled classes and we all stood outside in the breezeway. Dr. Spencer walked by and said something witty. Then we went home. My only other 9/11 memory is everyone coming over to my apartment when SNL did their first show afterwards. Paul Simon played The Boxer and the trumpet player screwed up. Ta-da.
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Monday: September 12, 2005 - Different Color Ribbons
Oh my God, Chompy. When is enough enough? How many more ribbons can be made? Listen, I'd like to eradicate all of these terrible diseases but come on. Just because I wear a red ribbon (AIDS/HIV, Heart Disease, Drunk Driving, Lymphoma, MADD, DARE) doesn't make me want it any more than anyone else. What happens once everyone is aware of everything? We all live in bubbles? Because we saw a blue ribbon? (Child Abuse, Colon Cancer, Education, Free Speech, Reyes Syndrome, Victim Rights, Water Quality) And what happens when even see one now? Here's what each color means. As of today:
- Pink (Breast Cancer, Birth Parents, Pregnancy Loss, Infant Loss)
- Lavendar (General Cancer, Epilepsy, Foster Care, Rett Syndrome)
- Light Blue (Graves Disease, Prostate Cancer, Scleroderma, Thyroid Disease)
- Orange (Hunger, Diversity, Lupus, Melanoma, Leukemia, Self-Injury)
- Yellow (Bladder Cancer, Military Support, Suicide, Endometriosis, Liver Disease, POW/MIA, Missing Children)
- Blue (Child Abuse, Colon Cancer, Education, Free Speech, Reyes Syndrome, Victims Rights, Water Quality)
- Green (Depression, Environment, Kidney Disease, Leukemia [why does Leukemia get two colors?!], Organ Donor, Mental Retardation)
- Red (AIDS, Heart Disease, Drunk Driving, Lymphoma, MADD, DARE)
- Periwinkle (Eating Disorders, GERD, IBS, Esophageal Cancer, Pulmonary Hypertension)
- Teal (Ovarian Cancer, Sexual Assault, Substance Abuse)
- Purple (Alzheimers, Animal Abuse, Chrons, Cystic Fibrosis, Domestic Violence, Lupus [x2!], Macular Degeneration, Pancreatic Cancer)
- Black (Gang Prevention, Melanoma [x2!], POW/MIA)
- Gold (Childhood Cancer)
- White (Emphysema, MS, Bone Cancer, Peace, Adoption, Child Exploitation)
- Silver (Children With Disabilities, Lung Cancer, Parkinson's)
Man in Park: I see you're wearing a Green Ribbon.
Woman: Yes, it's for my son--he's depressed.
Man: Lucky you--I figured he was he was retarded hippie.
Woman: Those contribute to his depression.
Woman at PTA Meeting: So I'm wearing my pink ribbon again now that I got my kid back from that Foster Home.
Old man wearing lavendar ribbon: Go to hell.
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Tuesday: September 13, 2005 - How Much Is Enough?
Let me ask you a question. How much money is enough for you? To live very comfortably for the rest of your life? Let's find out. Most of us are in are mid to late 20s. Let's say we're 25 and we plan to live until we're 80. We now have 55 years of spending of ahead of us. First we need a house. And not just any house--a comfortable house. Something like 2500 square feet. And we don't want to live just anywhere--we want something good. Let's take Moorestown, NJ--the best place to live in America in 2005. So we've now spent $275,000. Let's take a generous hearty $120/mo for utilities--around $80,000 for your life. You gotta eat. I eat a lot and spend about $500 a month; another $330,000. Ok...food...water...shelter...oh right, cars. You're going to buy at least five more cars and since we're living comfortably we might as well spend $25,000 per car ($125,000). Now for the luxuries. Cable TV/Internet will run you about $100/mo ($65,000), your home furnishings and upkeep another $5k/yr ($275,000). Went to school? Might as well get that Ph.D--another $120,000. Got a pet-$55,000 more. A kid, through, age 17 is going to cost you $230,000 (ouch). What else do you need to spend money on? Health Care? How's $250,000 sound. And just for kicks, let's give ourselves $5k/year ($275,000) to blow on whatever the hell we want. Ta-da. Now, let's start counting.So now we owe a little over $2 million dollars. There is good news, though--if you're married you can whittle your portion down to about 70% of that--or a little less than a million and a half dollars. Yikes. Before you freak out, over 55 years you'd only have to earn (after taxes) $27,000. Impossible you say. Too bad you want to retire. At like, age 60. So now we only have 35 years. Eek. But I've got good news--you only need to net $41,000/year. And with your Ph.D you should be able to make at least double that. So where does all the extra money in this country go?
I know what you're saying--this doesn't take into account a bunch of things--taxes...savings...etc. Fine. But think about it. If each American only needs $2million dollars each to live nearly in the lap of luxury and there only 300 million Americans we only need $600 million dollars. So there you go. We're spending $10b to rebuild New Orleans. I don't get it. [Comments: 1]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 14, 2005 - I Hate The Three Stooges
I miss teaching. I went out to lunch with Bryan Richards to Olive Garden today and he filled me on all the latest gossip. Apparently LaTosha, the general assistant, was fired for running up $600 bucks on the College of Music credit card. Knowing she'd be busted she just stopped coming to work. I had a total shortage of creativity today. I had been thinking recently that I spend so much time writing code for sites that I missed the actual design for them. Today I had my chance to sit down and come up with something awesome. Instead I came up with total and complete crap. When I'd get stuck writing music I had a plan. A two-fold plan: more rhythm and steal. Not blatantly steal but listen to something unrelated, transcribe it, and adapt it. Then in a couple days (when the creativity came back) I could overwrite the more obvious sections. Rhythm never lets you down--ever. Don't get me wrong, I like chords and melodies but regardless of the genre the best music is driven by killer rhythm.
You know what I hate more than those ribbons? Those Support The Troops magnets people plaster to the back of their gas guzzling cars. I don't get it. Well, I understand supporting the troops (except the Navy--do they even DO anything?). They're braver than any of us; I get it. But is there anyone NOT supporting the troops? Walking around saying, "Man, I love being at war but damn, I hate the guys doing it". I don't think so. Whether you're for beating the living bejesus out of Iraq or not don't you want our guys to come home safely? I mean, except those in the Navy. But all the rest of them? I just don't get it. I don't have a magnet on my car that says: I Support Breathing. Don't we all support breathing? Can we at least agree that breathing is good? I don't get it. Poker tomorrow at 7pm so show up. I've got some great pics saved up for the rest of the week. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Thursday: September 15, 2005 - Happy Birthday Brian!
Happy Birthday Brian! You're come down here in like a week. I'm going to try to pull together a special poker night. Speaking of poker, I have something to say to everyone that played last night. Thank you. Thank you so much for your money. Brian, thank you. Jamie, thank you. Theory-Chris, thank you. Elena, thank you. Kathy, thank you. And finally, although you were *this* close to not only NOT giving me your money AND taking mine, Poker-Chris, thank you for your money. Or Elena's. However it works over there. Had the last card of the game been different this would have been a standard poker-night-entry with me bitching about how unlucky I was. Instead, I got lucky and it was nice. P-Chris has the same skill that Ricky has--that special something that makes me totally wig out one-on-one. But last night I totally snuck one out. Pow.
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Friday: September 16, 2005 - Fake SMiles
Have you ever seen two more fake smiles? Ah, politics. George Bush loves to talk about freeing the world from tyranny. Yet there is he shaking hands with Hu Jintao. And smiling. At least I understand why Jintao is smiling--China essentially owns the United States--they own about $1 trillion of our debt. They're not going to call it in any time soon, of course. If they did, our economy would collapse and bring down the rest of the world's with it. But when you own $1 trillion of any other country, you can be pretty sure they're not going to interfere with ...a certain nameless island off your coast. Even if that little island has been promised it would be protected by the world's largest collection of armed forces. So once China decides it wants to take over Taiwan for keeps, they're going to do it. And then, my friends, we're screwed. Do we show the world how much we love to blow smoke and let China just do it? Or do we try to save Taiwan and have China destroy us in every way fathomable? The only other option is to blow the off the planet before they can retaliate but I have a feeling the World At Large would not be too happy and probably then blow us off the planet. So if any of you have a trillion dollars and want to own the United States...you know, do it. Ok, Bill?(Mini-Update: 2am) I just came up with a joke. What's Cindy Sheehan's preferred means of contraception? Pulling Out.
Oh man, I should work for Leno. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Saturday: September 17, 2005 - FSU Dismantles Boston College
For a week all I read on the sports sites were how BC was going to stick to FSU. Our budding QB totally dismantled Boston College in the second half and it was all good. Jamie and I went over to P-Chris and Elena's to watch the game with them and their buddy Tim. Tim went 219/220 in our Pick 'Em. That's pretty good. I had a little extra time in Photoshop today so let me point out a few key features. If you look carefully you can see Chompy preparing to maul some BC fan as well as a raven eating the brains of the BC Eagle. Originally Alumni Stadium was going to be in space but it didn't look as cool as I was hoping. In the long run it doesn't matter because the winner of the ACC Coastal is going to get eaten alive by Virginia Tech. But until then Go State!
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Sunday: September 18, 2005 - Ranch Tooth
Ranch! Oh man, whoever Wendy's hired to do their new advertising should get double their current pay. I like the new, boxy characters and LOVE that Ranch Tooth. While I hate ranch dressing and would never for one second consider eating the crap they consider "food" I still think that tooth is pretty cute.FSU leapt over Georgia to become the nation's sixth best team. If the BCS-season ended today the #1 Seminoles would play the #2 Gators. And they'd rip us apart. It's unfortunate that we play them during the season, ensuring we would never play them for the National Championship. I wish people would stop making such a big deal about USC. Their schedule is a cakewalk. FSU plays five Top 25 teams and USC plays two. Come on. Even Florida, while I'm required to root against them, comes out of a strong conference and had to beat talented teams to get where they are. Enough about football.
Just five days until Brian comes down and 20 days until my birthday. The dreaded 2-6. The day that officially notifies you that you're closer to 30 than 20. Since my birthday falls on a Sunday I'd really like to have a big party the Friday before. It's been a long time since I had a big party. Not that I don't enjoy gathering with close friends but sometimes you just want to let it all hang out. And I want to let it all hang out. That's right--all of it. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Monday: September 19, 2005 - Grow Walkthrough
Oh, Ricky. Why, OH WHY, did you have to send me that game!!! I was totally addicted to Hapland as well as Hapland 2. The last thing I needed tonight was a distraction like this. I'm not pround. I'll admit that it took me 29 tries to get the right order. I was on the phone for a couple but I admit freely that most readers will solve it in less tries. For those of you taking the LSAT next month give it a try. I'll even give you some LSATesque hints. At the bottom is the solution. A walkthrough, if you will. But first hints.
- The fire doesn't come until after the bucket.
- Before the bone comes another word that starts with the letter B.
- Two of the first three things are: the man, the seeds (or shape-things) although not necessarily in that order.
- The spring is not last.
- The tube is not amongst the first three, nor the last three.
- The bowl/treehouse thing is the 7th thing you add.
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Tuesday: September 20, 2005 - Happy Birthday Grandma Doris!
It has been brought to my attention that the games I enjoy are too difficult for the casual reader. That's fine. Today I offer Fishy. In this game you start as a small fish and your goal is to consume the contents of the lake. The only downside is that you can only eat fish smaller than you. The upside is that for each fish you eat you grow an indistinguishably bit bigger. It'll take you about 15 minutes or so from start to finish so there's no huge time commitment involved. The biggest problem you'll face is thinking you're bigger than a certain fish and end up dead and having to start over. Only three more days until Brian's weekend visit. I had a relatively light work day and decided to buy some new "fat" jeans. I'm now a solid 32x32 (or sometimes 32x34) so I'm really in retail heaven. No more having to order 28x34 jeans from freak-stores online. Getting fat was one of the best things I've ever done and I'd highly recommend it to anyone. I know what you're thinking--that I'm not really fat. But I'm fat for me. Weighing in at 170 lbs is a big deal. Until last year I was stuck at 145 and no ammount of McDonald's or apathy could get the number higher. Strangely enough I've eaten more fruit and vegetables in the past twelve months than another other time in my life. My God Ab, healthy eating makes you fat.
Happy Birthday Grandma Doris. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 21, 2005 - Hidden Track
Theory-Chris and I got together last night to record one of the pieces going on the winner's Poker CD. With a range from roughly E (below the bass clef staff) to the C above it, I'm really incapable of singing most songs. What's worse is when I sing a melody line that low it gets all jumbled in the chords so I recruited someone not only with a wider range but someone whose voice is about 100x better than mine. Unfortuantely, we lost the best take when I think I plugged the microphone of the mini-disc player into the headphone jack. This one isn't bad by any means though. In order to appreciate the effect of this one you have to pretend you've just walked into your house from some trip and there's a message on your answering machine.
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Thursday: September 22, 2005 - FSU Foundation
Woo--oooh. It's the Carolina Triangle of Death and Destruction. With Brian coming to Tallahassee and Jamie and P-Chris going to Gainesville the Caroline Triangle of Death and Destruction becomes very easy to see. For Brian's trip we tried to find a bunch local ma and pa Applebee's and Chili's so Brian could get some southern cooking. He comes around 8pm and Jamie leaves at 4pm so sadly they're not going to meet. Even though Brian won't be able to update I'll fill you in on what we're doing. Much like the last time Jamie went out of town I plan to score some roofies and then find some co-eds.On Saturday we have a gig for the FSU Foundation. Gigs are good but I also remember why I hate having anything to do with their organization. After the gig we're playing some serious poker and doing some serious drinking. Kelly and her boyfriend are coming. Kelly hasn't played since Steve was here on Spring Break but she's been playing lot online and that makes me nervous. I need to call my old neighbors Kent and Sarah since N-Brian will be in North Carolina and someone has to represent the neighborhood. God, this update sucked. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Weekend: September 24, 2005 - Weekend of Uri
On Friday I met Chris for lunch at Andrews and finished up some work before Kathy and I picked up BU from the airport. The flight was delayed for about an hour so Kathy and talked about the game of the weekend (Settlers of Catan[ia]). We got to the airport right as he was walking towards the luggage (not that he had anything checked, of course) and after a quick discussion about the possibility of his wearing dark jeans (he wasn't) we got in the car and headed to Applebees. We had a quick dinner and then went back to my house to play Kathy's new game. Honestly, it sounds like the lamest game (that doesn't involve a dwarf or warlock) but it's actually pretty fun. We got in two games and Kathy and Brian went back to Kathy's. The next morning, since we had gone to bed around 3am, we had a late homemade breakfast at Kathy's before coming back to my house for some practice poker. I picked up Chris for a gig around 5pm and Kathy and Brian went to see that new Jodi Foster movie. The gig was probably the easiest $100 I'd ever made even if we weren't sounding our best. Everyone there was absolutely blitzed and we only played for about 75 minutes. We tried to make some new friends and invited them to the party but they didn't show. They were neo-hippies with corporate jobs and according to Chris, they (husband and wife, Jenn & Jaime) wanted to get it on with me and Matt. Whatever. Chris and I went to Publix after the gig to get some pizza and the booze our bodies craved and then went back to my house to tidy up in the ten minutes before everyone arrived. Elena came first and was kind enough to bring her massive set of poker chips. Within about a half hour everyone had arrived and we got down to poker-business. Kathy decided we should divide into two tables so everyone drew numbers and sat either in the living room (Kathy, Elena, T-Chris and Marty) or at the kitchen table (Brian, Ian, Renee, Pete and me). The plan was to eliminte all but two people from each table and then recombine to determine the winner. My table was a total throw-down with four ballsy players (and Pete) and within 40 minutes Ian and I had survived. At the other table, with their billions of chips, they decided to play a little more conservatively and took an extra 90 minutes before Theory-Chris was knocked out. Brian figured out they had 9.2x times as many chips and they traded into our currency for the second half. Marty kicked all of our asses. There's really no nice way of saying it. He wasn't particularly lucky or caught a lot of breaks--he just totally kicked our asses. For those of you scoring at home:
Ian knocked out Pete (T2: 10:15pm)
Ian knocked out Renne (T2: 10:25pm)
Mike knocked out Brian (T2: 10:40pm)
Elena knocked out Theory-Chris (T1: 12:15am)
Tables Combined (12:45am)
Marty knocked out Ian (1:15am)
Marty knocked out Elena(1:30am)
Mike knocked out Kathy(1:40am)
Marty knocked out Mike (and won: 1:50am)
After eight beers, I woke up today (Sunday) hungover at 9:30 so I could go with Kathy to take Brian to the airport. We dropped him off and I think gave the most awkward hug of all-time. Anyway, Kathy and I went to Jenny's Lunchbox for breakfast and coffee then I came home and I slept off the rest of my hangover. I'm feeling great now and totally ready for Desperate Housewives (which of course will get a separate update later). Thanks for coming Brian! You got any wheat? I've got two for one sheep.
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Sunday: September 25, 2005 - Desperate Housewives is Back
Hooray! Desperate Housewives is back and the Desperate Housewives Prediction List is finally up. It was taking a really long time to make but last night I came across a way to really simplify it so there it is. Use it a lot. We went over to P-Chris and Elena's to watch and man, it was awesome. Like they'd really kill Rex and Zack back to back. Please. I mean come on. Of course the biggest question is who is the new family is keeping locked in their basement. Judging from the son's comments about the dad being dead you would have to assume that it's the dad but who knows.
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Monday: September 26, 2005 - Desperate Housewives Predictions
OOPS! It was pointed out to me that I was wrong in the order of our poker losing. Unforunately, looking at the log of the conversation it cut out who beat who. I *think* Ian knocked out Elena and Marty knocked out Ian. I *think*. But it might take Elena or Ian or Marty to set it straight. The new Desperate Housewives Prediction List has barely been used! Come on! I think I caught some "Futon Disease" (as Brian would call it) and now I've got a cold. Tonight I watched the LSU/Tenn. game. FSU should be #5 now. Go State! [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Tuesday: September 27, 2005 - Crazy Old Man Jack: Part VIII
Although Toni handled it really nicely, I'm still really, REALLY pissed Jack cut my hours again. This is getting out of control. Yes, I work from home. Yes, I have other sources of income but I've been misled from Day 1. It's nice working from home. I admit it. In return for my working at home, I don't put all the times I check emails and write emails. Or talk on the phone to discuss whatever random shit is on your mind. But come on. I submit only the time I'm writing code or writing a serious email that you need to see a draft of first. Every now and then some research where I was explicitly asked to find something. Unlike my coworkers, the work I do can't be done in a single sitting. Sometimes it takes a couple weeks to get something to work right. I can't help that. If I could build entire websites overnight with every feature any client wanted I'd be filthy rich by now. But I can't build them overnight. Sorry. I can't wait for that big, fat HELL NO from the Templeton Fund to come in. I also bought two new shirts. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Wednesday: September 28, 2005 - Sweat Shop Deals
After Jamie and I met for lunch at the Sweet Shop (is this supposed to be a play on Sweat Shop?) I went to Dillard's for a massive sale. I'm not really that into shopping but when Jamie's intern said he got like 6 pairs of dress pants for $30 I figured I'd go look. Sure enough, everything was crazy on-sale. I got three $50 shirts for $7 each. I could have spent a lot more time and money there but decided to home and nap. I'm still not totally over this cold.[Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Thursday: September 29, 2005 - All My Friends
Recently I've had a hard time falling asleep. Between the work stress and the casual shift of hours back towards *really* late/sleep *really* in I'm totally off-kilter again. It doesn't help that I've been having very realisitic dreams that make me no less tired.We had a modest turn out for poker last night: me, Jamie, N-Brian and T-Chris. Last night was a very peculiar game. No one ever sucked out. Not that I remember anyway. I think we all had our hands by the end of the turn and I don't really remember any demoralizing blows. But that's what happens when you win. You forget how crushed other people felt. There are two things I'd like to do within the next week. Number one: Find a fast way to update people's names with their links. I wrote a page that I can plug in an entry and it changes the names to links but that takes so long. The other choice is just writing includes()'s so instead of typing: <a href="http://www.urizone.net">Brian</a> said my futon had AIDS. I could just type <? require('brian.php'); ?>. I know what you're saying. Why's that a big deal? Because I have to look up everyone's link when I use their name and some of them are really long and hard for me to remember. The second thing I'd like to do is go back through the old entries and make a chart of who won in poker. Everyone thinks they lose a lot more than they win (which is true due to the painstaking measures for parity) but I know I overlook the times when I win so I can think "Tonight's GOTTA be my night. I haven't won in AGES" when really I won two weeks ago. Speaking of poker, I was dealt K/J a ridiculously high amount of times last night. Not that I'm complaining. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Friday: September 30, 2005 - Poker Update
k, since we started playing regularly with N-Brian, Elena & P-Chris the first week of July here are the stats:Me (5 wins)
Poker-Chris (3 wins)
Theory-Chris (3 wins)
Jamie (1.5 wins)
Elena (1.5 wins)
N-Brian (1 win)
Michael (1 win)
Marty (1 win)
Liz (1 win)
And there you have it. Before July we played more with T-Chris and my former co-workers from the State. I didn't really keep track of who won except the nights I would win. I know I won a couple but Ricky probably won a half-dozen, including at my birthday party almost a year ago. [Comments: 0]· permalink ·
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Good Things Take Time...
-2 days until FSU Football (2010)
Random Picture...
Jamie has a terrible fear of lifeboat drills.
Jamie has a terrible fear of lifeboat drills.
Time Machine:
09-07-2009
· 09-07-2008
· 09-07-2007
· 09-07-2006
09-07-2009: I'll start with the good news: my death from the swine flu is no longer imminent. Now, onto the bad news.
WHERE THE HELL WAS FSU'S DEFENSE?! *I* could have been playing cornerback last night. I can easily ignore receivers as the blow past me or trip on my own two feet as a RUNNING BACK shoots past me for a catch in the end zone. Uggggggggh. On the bright side, the offense looked pretty good--at least Christian Ponder and the vaunted offensive line. The running game looked anemic when Jermaine was in there but his backup looked like a punisher. The fact our receivers c(w)ouldn't catch the ball made life rough. Fortson looked like the only guy who actually was willing to take one for the team and try to catch it, although Richard Goodman's catch on the two-point conversion ended with him getting blasted.
Anyway, where was the bloodthirsty FSU defense? Who were these cowards playing constant zone coverage? It doesn't take a PS2 NCAA Football expert very long to realize there's a time and a place for zone but if you want to win you need to MAN UP. Granted, the man coverage, when "utilized", made the secondary look absolutely stupid, with their coverage at least five yards behind the Miami receivers.
Whatever, we'll be good next year.09-07-2008: It looks like my vice-like grip over NCAA Pick 'Em is officially over. After tweaking "the algorithm" I still finished near the bottom of the picks because I clearly overweighed the section dedicated to "do they like to get upset?". The numbers correctly picked the ECU upset of WV but unfortunately they also picked three more upsets and, knowing that no more than three teams ever get upset in a week, I released WV out of a personal affinity towards the school. I also, until the game started, thought USM was in fact Mississippi State which they are clearly not. Oops.
I went out to Virginia to watch the FSU game with Kathy & Co. The bar had a lot of FSU fans but none that were particularly into the game. It didn't help that there was over two hours in combined rain delays. FSU looked good but I think anyone would look good against Western Carolina. They're not East Carolina, that's for sure. Catamounts, for the record, are mountain lions. They are not horses despite containing the word "mount". We'll know for sure how good FSU is when vaunted Chattanooga rolls into town next week. I took the day off blogging but only because I was thinking of you.09-07-2006: Although not as gratifying as some wins in the past, I was able to fend off tchris and jamie in a little three-way poker last night. At different points in the night we all had huge chip leads and somehow blew them. We're all big bettors so it was a lot of fun despite the low number of people.
I really need a new computer. Mine shuts off after about five minutes of use due to overheating and I still have not been able to find the right replacement fan. I'm hoping by the week after my birthday to have enough money to buy the new one from Dell, even though they won't let me get it without the video card. I talked to their retarded sales/tech guy and asked them simply if they could not charge/install a video card. They do not have dual-monitor options and I wasn't ordering any monitors so I didn't need the card. He replied that they could not and I was out of luck. I replied by asking him if the computers were really built by hand like they say in the commercials. He said yes. I then asked if they guy installing it could just "leave out" the video card (I'd be throwing it out the day I got it) and have the person hand-writing my bill leave off the cost of it. He said no. Oh well.
WHERE THE HELL WAS FSU'S DEFENSE?! *I* could have been playing cornerback last night. I can easily ignore receivers as the blow past me or trip on my own two feet as a RUNNING BACK shoots past me for a catch in the end zone. Uggggggggh. On the bright side, the offense looked pretty good--at least Christian Ponder and the vaunted offensive line. The running game looked anemic when Jermaine was in there but his backup looked like a punisher. The fact our receivers c(w)ouldn't catch the ball made life rough. Fortson looked like the only guy who actually was willing to take one for the team and try to catch it, although Richard Goodman's catch on the two-point conversion ended with him getting blasted.
Anyway, where was the bloodthirsty FSU defense? Who were these cowards playing constant zone coverage? It doesn't take a PS2 NCAA Football expert very long to realize there's a time and a place for zone but if you want to win you need to MAN UP. Granted, the man coverage, when "utilized", made the secondary look absolutely stupid, with their coverage at least five yards behind the Miami receivers.
Whatever, we'll be good next year.09-07-2008: It looks like my vice-like grip over NCAA Pick 'Em is officially over. After tweaking "the algorithm" I still finished near the bottom of the picks because I clearly overweighed the section dedicated to "do they like to get upset?". The numbers correctly picked the ECU upset of WV but unfortunately they also picked three more upsets and, knowing that no more than three teams ever get upset in a week, I released WV out of a personal affinity towards the school. I also, until the game started, thought USM was in fact Mississippi State which they are clearly not. Oops.
I went out to Virginia to watch the FSU game with Kathy & Co. The bar had a lot of FSU fans but none that were particularly into the game. It didn't help that there was over two hours in combined rain delays. FSU looked good but I think anyone would look good against Western Carolina. They're not East Carolina, that's for sure. Catamounts, for the record, are mountain lions. They are not horses despite containing the word "mount". We'll know for sure how good FSU is when vaunted Chattanooga rolls into town next week. I took the day off blogging but only because I was thinking of you.09-07-2006: Although not as gratifying as some wins in the past, I was able to fend off tchris and jamie in a little three-way poker last night. At different points in the night we all had huge chip leads and somehow blew them. We're all big bettors so it was a lot of fun despite the low number of people.
I really need a new computer. Mine shuts off after about five minutes of use due to overheating and I still have not been able to find the right replacement fan. I'm hoping by the week after my birthday to have enough money to buy the new one from Dell, even though they won't let me get it without the video card. I talked to their retarded sales/tech guy and asked them simply if they could not charge/install a video card. They do not have dual-monitor options and I wasn't ordering any monitors so I didn't need the card. He replied that they could not and I was out of luck. I replied by asking him if the computers were really built by hand like they say in the commercials. He said yes. I then asked if they guy installing it could just "leave out" the video card (I'd be throwing it out the day I got it) and have the person hand-writing my bill leave off the cost of it. He said no. Oh well.