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Tuesday: November 01, 2005 - My Co-Workers Today at work it was pointed out I never actually discuss the people in my life. This is both true and deliberate. Just because I keep a blog doesn't mean that my friends want their deep, dark secrets spilled online.

I know everyone's heard enough about Jack but I'm getting paid on Friday. Apparently. Anyway, I did something dumb at work today. I changed the title in my signature to make my reply to an email seem a little more...powerful. I did this because this other company wanted someone of a specific position that we didn't have. Usually my title fluctuates between Affiliate Director and Advertising Director. Today though I decided that not only was I the Advertising Director I was also the Director of Business Development. Oops. 10 minutes later I'm on a conference call from this multi-million dollar company with their Executive Board. I know what you're thinking--what requirements do YOU have to be a business developer? An MBA? Decades of experience? Howabout this: a C- in High School Economics. That's right--pow. One to three million dollars in loans a month? Why yes, I'd be happy to negociate from our side. I mean, I've been there for...eleven days now. Fortunately their speakerphone shut off halfway through giving me time to regroup. Tomorrow the CEO Boss (Kurt), the COO (Christine) and the new Business Development Director (me) are going to conference call them back. And last year I was cleaning toilets as a temp. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Wednesday: November 02, 2005 - Rotating Skulls I told my students, back in the day, to never use animated gifs. This is why.

I had to kill a roach in my kitchen. I had tried to make chicken and dumpling soup using some dumplings that jamie's dad had given me. They were rotten so I had to throw them away and make my own. Unfortunately I didn't have enough flour so I decided to make it chicken noodle soup. Turned out pretty well except for seeing that roach. Boy, I've got nothing today. Just nothing. I did update the Guilt Links so they'll load faster. I also added a link for sunshine and tried to get chris's page to work. Or at least load faster. Thank God tomorrow is poker. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Thursday: November 03, 2005 - Poker Failure Ah poker. I was so happy to play I don't even care that I finished 6th out of seven people and spent a good portion of the night with ricky on the futon playing on our laptops. I don't even care I lost about 90% of my chips to tchris when he a K/J full house that beat my J/K full house. I don't even care that nbrian won for his second career win and let me keep the money I was going to pay him in quarters. I got to see my friends, relax, and have some fun and that's all that mattered to me tonight.

With the last FSU football game of the season coming up on Saturday against arch-rival NC State pchris, elena, ricky, jamie and I are going to tailgate before the game. I don't remember the last time I tailgated although I do remember it was last football season with jamie's sister Kristen. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Weekend: November 06, 2005 - Desperate Housewives is the Best Where to start? Desperate Housewives kicked serious ass. nbrian and I played some basketball this morning. I'm terribly out of shape and we only ended up playing for about 20 minutes of 1 on 1. I also found out my parents and possibly grandma are coming down to visit me this coming weekend. The Guilt Links are also fixed (again). The problem was that I made the script at the end of the month and the dates I was generating were fine when the date was double digits but now that it's single digits the script was generating 01 instead of just 1 and not finding a date match.

On Saturday jamie, ricky and I met up with pchris and elena and a bunch of their buddies for a pre-game tailgate. NC State beat our 2nd string and now has the most wins over FSU at Doak Campbell. Aside from the consistant scapegoat of Jeff Bowden I blame the eight plays Xavier Lee was in. He complains about not getting playing time then comes in and does nothing but scramble around and throw interceptions. Apparently Wyatt was on the sidelines. I doubt he'll be playing again though. Ever. I almost caught up with pchris in Pick 'Em. You'd think after 1400 points we'd be separated by more than one point but no. If only I had kept my Miami upset over VT. With Tech out I really have no one to root for. Of course I'd root for FSU over VT if they played but since brian went there at least I have a reason to root for them when they're playing someone else. Time is running out for me though with only two weeks left.

Jack paid me on Friday. Without any punches thrown either. I'm glad that chapter is over though. If nothing else at least we got pchris and elena out of it. jamie and I had a lame Date Night (care to take a guess whose night it was to plan it?). We went to El Tapatio for disgusting food. If I'm going to pay $9 for a meal I want the steak used to not be the $.30/lb kind that I used to have to eat when I started grad school. Sorry, I'm a snob. They had good chips though. After the "dinner", we went to Wal-Mart to see if we could find a project. We couldn't. I bought some Sno-Caps and some of those sour Gummi Worms but I think I left the bag there. Oh well. I also bought some flour. Detailed enough for you? mark and I were talking about the bad rap pit bulls have in the media. Why not take this quiz, eh? [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Monday: November 07, 2005 - Di Nib Nibs jamie whipped my di-nib-nibs in tennis tonight. Fortunately she cooked a delicious meal for me first. Speaking of jamie, she got the job at Refusge House after like 9 million months of waiting. Congratulations!

I've got a huge blister on my thumb. And a ton of laundry to do before my parents arrive on Saturday. It looks like ricky is the next head on the State chopping block. Our executive director looked like a camel on steroids with steroid-free hooves. And a Picasso like face. You might think the free-floating eye would cause her problems but she seems to do ok. There was also a ridiculously high percertage of people with lazy eyes that worked there. Maybe it was on the job application--maybe there are just a lot of accountants with lazy eyes. I don't know, I'm not an ophthalmologist. I do know that it always made me nervous and on several ocassions I accidentally addressed people that were not talking to me. One person who did NOT have a lazy eye was this girl that worked in HR. She and her herd of equally pig-faced friends had season tickets almost right below us. Along with the half dozen she-beasts they bring this annoying guy with them. He's the kind of guy you see on Ricki Lake saying, "It ain't be my baby, Ricki. It don't even got my hair!". That's right--total white trash. If you've wondered, and I think you have, what those people do when they're not on the talk show circuit it's go to FSU football games. This is turning into quite a tangent. Why do I dislike her so much? About six months after I left the State she called me to ask where some files were. Uh, I don't think so. Sorry--my rate is now $52,000/hr. You pay it, I'll talk. I see they're not going to fire you... [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Tuesday: November 08, 2005 - George Bush Sucks Warning! Bad Language Ahead!!!

Sometimes I forget that this is a big country. Bigger than I can really imagine and filled with people that I'll never meet. I stumbled across this site and it really reminded me that there are hundreds of millions of people I'll never meet. Yet I'm in the same position as so many of them--I hate our president. I don't hate Republicans; I hate George W. Bush. Honestly, all the deception makes me sick. It makes me want to cry; seriously. If we can't trust the people in charge who are we supposed to trust? As long as our day to day lives are relatively normal why bothering caring at all? It wouldn't be so bad if we could do something but we can't. There are 300 million different opinions in this country but rather than trying to bring in a diverse and representative group of regular people we continue to elect dipshits. Democratic and Republican dipshits.

I'm really pissed because W. ordered all his staff with security clearances to go through ethics training. You mean they didn't know that they weren't supposed to share their classified information? Does our government honestly think this compete and total bullshit PR move is going to fool anyone? Seriously, they don't hand out clearance to people on the street. Of course they knew it was wrong and they did it anyway. But because it's a Republican congress and senate there are no real repercussions. At all. It's patronizing and I don't appreciate it one fucking bit. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Wednesday: November 09, 2005 - More Pictures of Chompy So you want more pictures of Chompy, eh? I notice comments have been down recently so I'll try to make this entry more inciteful. Get it? Insightful? sigh. The single best product to ever be invented has GOT to be those Airborn Anti-Sick Tablets. This morning I had a really sore throat and generally felt like crap. After one of those fizzy tabs I felt as good as new--seriously. I never take medicine but now I might take those every day. Not thought-provoking enough, ok.

You know what I think the hardest part about being gay would be? Having to tell really overweight girls they looked so good. And to a lesser extent having to pity-make out with them when drinking. I guess the trade-off would be you'd really good looking. I'm not kidding--I've heard they have a very strict no-uglies policy.

Now that I've gone back to a 9-6 job I've developed a second personality. There is now Morning Mike and Night Mike. These two sides hate each with an unbridled passion. Night Mike likes to finish his work late and then watch weird shows on the History Channel. This aggravates Morning Mike to no end. Morning Mike has taken to leaving notes for Night Mike to tell him to stop messing around and go to bed. Night Mike ignores these notes which makes Morning Mike hate him even more. Night Mike's fun is only curtailed by Morning Mike. If there was no Morning Mike, as there wasn't from January to October, Night Mike rules supreme. Ultimately one will win and I'm curious to find out who it will be.

Isn't it about time we stopped awarding Olympic medals for track? Who cares how fast you are. When are you ever going to run that fast? It's just running. There's no skill like in gymnastics or even synchronized swimming. For a replacement, following the rules that it has to be played in five continents, I'd like to see Speed Stacking (watch video of speed stacking here). [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Thursday: November 10, 2005 - MY Blog Before you read this remember one thing: you are reading MIKE's blog. Not brian's. Not Kim's (one of brian's fellow Keep- America- Safe- By- Knowing- Tons- Of- Secrets. Oh no, this is MY blog. I digress...This afternoon at work we found a website that was stealing our content. Once we found one we decided to run some scans to see if there were more. And there were...dozens. Some of them are even pretending to be us/our affiliates, having people sign up for loan applications and then stealing their info. Not a happy day. One of these sites didn't even take our company name out. You retards. It was chris' job to look up the whois.net and run a myriad of tracers to get all the info for these people so we can sue them. One of these sites is owned by the largest Al Qaeda network in the UK. Super. Now what are we supposed to do? Hopefully Brian or Kim will come to our rescue and have them killed.

On a lighter note I won in poker tonight. ricky and pchris were both wife-free but sadly that didn't help. nbrian brought a friend but they were no match for us. jamie and I wound up head to head but fortunately she was not able to pull the Ricky/P-Chris/tchris series of blind-all-ins to come back against me. Thanks for your money!

Current Poker Tally
Me (7 wins)
tchris (5 wins)
pchris (3 wins)
jamie (2.5 wins)
nbrian (2 wins)
elena (1.5 wins)
Looks like Elena is due for next Thursday. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Monday: November 14, 2005 - Love to the Parents After about 23 years of me being stupid I've learned to love my parents and I think they've learned to love me. Their visit was pretty fun and totally stress-free. My mom is still the best in poker and that's cool. We looked at some furniture and I think I might have a couch set to replace the ole futon. Today we went out to lunch at Andrew's and they got a mini-tour of the RD. Today went by really quickly at work. jamie was sick so we didn't play tennis. Tomorrow she and pchris have some Liberal Rally. Maybe I can talk elena into driving around downtown with me and poking the poor with sticks like good Republicans. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Tuesday: November 15, 2005 - Mark Cuban Good thing I went to bed at 10:30pm last night. Or else I'd be REALLY mad that I somehow managed to flip the hour ahead. You see, I had meant to get up at 7am but it's only 6am, the alarm said 7am and now I'm up and writing this entry. I'm supposed to meet michael for breakfast at 8:15am.

This pesky cold still hasn't totally gone away and I'm still sniffling and sneezing. Let's see...time for the generic rundown of my day. Went to work on time and got there 3rd like I usually do at 9:02am. The morning went by really slowly--no interesting emails or calls. chris, Christine, Barb and I went for an early lunch at BW3's and then came The Longest Early Afternoon in History. It could have been a documentary. Sure 4-6 went by like prairie lightning (that's fast, for you non-Midwesterners) but still, that 12:30-4pm block...yikes. I miss teaching--I reaffirmed this by standing in front of the big white board and talking. Even though Dr. Shaftel said I moved from side to side a little too much, I think my movements were right on. Anyway. After work Chris, Christine, Kurt and I met up at Finnigan's Wake for a post-work adult beverage (or two [or more]), acted like giddy undergrads, and then Chris and I had some CFA before I came home and did a couple hours worth of work. Ta-da.

Tonight I'm supposed to go by Ashley Furniture to show jamie my new couch set but tonight may also be the night we celebrate her getting a new job. Thursday, of course, is Poker Night and I feel like there's something on the calendar for Friday but I can't think of what that might be.

I just finished talking to Jamie about the Neo-Hippie Meeting last night. I think my Moderate political leaning (do you really lean if you're moderate?) is due to the fact that I hate Democrats. Sure I'm liberal but I hate Democrats (and Republicans). The reason I would have no problem voting for a Republican--as the saying goes, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't". At least I know what to expect from Republicans. With Democrats I have NO idea. Are they going to be the Life Starts At Age 8 Pro-Choice? Are they going to be Legalize Pot? Are they going to be Kill Business to Save A Tree? Hey Howard Dean, you want to galvanize your stupid party--here's a thought for you: remember you're rich and white too. And make some damn decisions. Cut out the hippies and establish yourself as the "Other White (Meat) Party". I'm not saying to exclude minorities but either include them or don't. Don't act like there diversity is the end-all, be-all and then have a token black and a token Hispanic standing on the platform with 50 whities. Stop sitting on the damn fence and trying to cater to every non-Conservative on every topic. Here are some people who voted Democrat in the last election: My crazy ex-boss Jack, Me, Jamie, My Mom, Bill Clinton, John Kerry and Jamie's Dad. Do you think FOR ONE SECOND we all have the same wants/needs? HELL no we don't. But in your infinite wisdom you try to cater to all of us when that's not possible. Pick real sides on issues and for God's sake stick by them. You want to be Pro-Choice? Do it--tell us when it's ok to have an abortion and when it's not. You want to be Pro-Poor? Do it--tell us when someone has been on welfare long enough. You want to be Pro-Environment? Do it--tell us how many trees we can chop down a year. Just TELL US SOMETHING. And, as a side note, you can't be the Working Man's Party without a Working Man's Candidate. S/he can be of any race and we'll vote for him/her, I swear. But we don't want Old Money. Get Mark Cuban. He's a no-bullshit kind of guy who made his money the old-fashion way: he earned it sold his internet companies. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Wednesday: November 16, 2005 - U2 SUCKS tchris, I'm sorry but Bono is awful. Let me tell you why I hate U2. It's not that I think they suck (although I do). It's that they're considered Gods of Rock. But they don't rock. Frankly, they're not talented enough to rock. They're like the Beatles (great songwriting, limited instrumental skills) without the great songwriting. The Edge is laughable. To be a God of Rock you have to rip it. Jimmy Page rips it. Eric Clapton rips it. Hendrix rips it. They are Gods of Rock. They make you say, "Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints". To give them an ounce of credit, they don't sound like anyone else. But they're not Rock. There is no blues influence; at all. The bass lines are stagnant at best and I'm sorry but adding a 9th to a chord is far from Rock Godliness.

I used to hate Weezer. But as I listened to them more I realized that they were innovating a stale sound. And over time I learned to appreciate them within their style. They never would be considered Gods of Rock but they're cool being the Gods of Emo. And that's fine. If U2 didn't consider themselves Rock I'd hate them a whole helluva lot less. Bono also smells like urine. Because he drinks it. With sunglasses on. [Comments: 50]· permalink · · ·

Thursday: November 17, 2005 - Poker Update Damn jamie. Taking our money like that. She knocked out each and every one us. elena put up a hell of a fight to finish in second (much better than my 6th place finish) but ultimately fell as well. I had to pay with quarters because I guess I'm poor now. The Big Idea at RD is coming along nicely so hopefully that will ensure a Merry Christmas for all of us. I'm really pumped about the new project but I think the excitment needs to die down a little bit and allow the Devil's Advocate (Killer of the Creative Spirit) to come back in now that we're past the brainstorming period. I think there is a great potential for disaster on such an ambitious project if we don't have a solid initial plan. Fortunately my coworkers have the same mindset so I'm feeling really confident that not only will we have an amazing plan in place but that long-term success will be inevitable. And I'll be able to buy my gold house. And gold car. Solid gold I might add.

Current Poker Tally
Me (7 wins)
tchris (5 wins)
jamie (3.5 wins)
pchris (3 wins)
nbrian (2 wins)
elena (1.5 wins)
[Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Friday: November 18, 2005 - Zeppelin Hiatus Until recently I haven't listened to much Zeppelin. From about 1999-2001 that was all I listened to so I guess I needed a break. Coming back to them over the weekend I was pleased to find out that I still love them. Although I highly doubt I will be able to convince tchris that U2 is worst band of our lifetime I really think I need to at least give it a shot. Believe it or not, I have six U2 songs on my computer (Pride, All I Want Is You, Mysterious Ways, Sunday Bloody Sunday, The Sweetest Thing, With or Without You). I'm not sure if I can really use them as a fair sampling--if you only heard The Crunge and the Coda album you might think LZ sucked. If you had to pick 5 U2 songs in these five areas, which would they be: Most Popular, Best Musicaly, Best Lyrics, Best Non-Mainstream & Best Over-all? For LZ I'd have to answer: Stairway to Heaven (gag), The Rain Song, Since I've Been Lovin' You, Ten Years Gone, The Ocean. Those were some tough decisions; too bad Stairway is hogging a spot. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Saturday: November 19, 2005 - That Was Dumb Stupid stupid stupid. My picks last week were just stupid. I can live with picking OU over TT--that's fine. OU should have won but TT got two incredibly lucky calls in the last 1:33. Crazy lucky. Miami really screwed me but now FSU gets to play VT for the ACC Championship so I get to win $5 from nbrian when Tech walks all-over our 2nd string. I'd still like to see FSU take VT down but we're just too hurt. And I don't forsee FSU getting fired up to take the Hokies. I mean, they're turkey-like mascot doesn't inspire the same fear as Florida fans doing the Ch0mp (Sorry, I can't take my dog's name in vain) or the gold-chain-wearing, car-jacking UM Ibis. jamie is in NY with her family and I'm watching Ab. chris came over for a mini-party last night and we watched Eva Longoria host SNL. I don't think I would have laughed had I not been drinking. Good thing I was drinking. Since we're old we called it a night just after midnight. We're like...Oldielocks and the Two Dogs. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Sunday: November 20, 2005 - Michael's Recital michael and cellist (not the dog) Abby gave their recital today. It was really good and had a good mix of pieces although the Hindemith was my favorite. After the concert I went grocery shopping and cleaned out my fridge. I am about to undertake a huge task: Eating all the food in my house. Not difficult, you say. But you're wrong. See, my goal is to not buy any more food until I've eaten everything I currently have. Some exceptions will have to be made, of course--milk, butter, flour--things like that; things that would be required to eat everything in my house. With about a dozen boxes of pasti-roni to do it with Andes Mints and St. Paulie Girl beer might be tough. For breakfast I ate a couple of oranges, a banana and a cup of Instant Breakfast (that had been sitting in my shelf for about 8 months). So far so good. I'm sure jamie won't be happy to find out about this new project when she gets back into town because hey, who want a Boboli pizza crust with vanilla pudding instead and yellow rice? [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Monday: November 21, 2005 - Fables Poor michael sprained his ankle playing racquetball. See--exercising is way more dangerous than not exercising. I accidentally set my alarm for 7:30pm instead of 7:30am so I missed going out to breakfast with chris this morning; who also brought us pizza last night. One of my coworkers, Liz, made wassail and it was awesome; I had never had it before. We all took one of those Tickle IQ tests. I finished 3rd out of five. I thought for sure I'd finish last since everyone I work with is so smart but apparently being able to eye the right size staple to go into an imaginary stapler is on par with real questions so it all worked out (for me). jamie & Family get back from NY tonight so I have to clean out the trunk in my car to make sure I have enough room for three extra bodies plus their suitcases. Even though they were only gone for three nights I have a feeling each one of them has an enormous suitcase filled with "just in case" clothes. If you're from the north and are traveling to the south (or visa-versa) you're required to bring an extra set of clothes each day "just in case" all the fables you've heard (about it actually snowing in Chicago in December) turn out to be true. Personally I just throw about two days worth of general-wear stuff if I'm going to a place with a washer and dryer. See, but I'm good like that. I'm sorry this update sucked. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Weeklong: November 27, 2005 - Week Revisited You'll be pleased to know that I enjoyed my week without blogging obligations but now it's back to the grind. So let's see...what have I done in the past week. Well, for starters jamie and I went over to chris and michael's house for an Indian Thanksgiving dinner. I had a terrible cold and didn't really get much of a chance to enjoy the feast put before us. Jamie and her family got back safely from their trip up to New York City. I had to pick them up at the airport and we sat in the lot for an hour while all the people getting off delayed flights tried to squeeze into the single lane of exit. I was pretty sick most of the week and managed to forget my Dad's birthday. Sorry Dad.

Work was quiet with Christine out of the office and on the whole the week was pretty unstressful. Client X is really, really starting to piss me off. Client R owes me about $1500 and Client J is raking in money from the Google stocks that I suggested. Speaking of Client J, I haven't heard anything from anyone else that works there and that's unusual since I received a couple emails from some of them and then I never got replies. I wonder if I'm going to get sued for something. I wish I was kidding but I really have no idea. What I DO know is that my life is a billion times better now that I'm out of there.

pchris was the grand-prize College Pick 'Em winner and I finished a legit 2nd. I say legit only because Tim missed the first three games so had I won by less than six it wouldn't have been fair to him. However, I will enjoy my silver medal and focus on next year (like FSU).

On TV today I heard a commercial for Ford trucks. They were asking other truck owners what they wanted in a truck. More horsepower! A greater towing capacity! A bigger engine! A five year limited warranty! A wha... Like anyone wants a limited warranty. Come on. If you're going to make up total bullshit quotes as least say "A lifetime all-inclusive warranty" with another voice that says, Tough! Daily updates start tomorrow (again)! [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Monday: November 28, 2005 - Shut it Chompy Chompy has been acting really weird and out of character tonight. Matt Flynn came over to watch some football and get some music but surely that's not enough for Chompy to be acting this weird. It's 1am and she's all running around crazy. It was pouring rain this morning so she wouldn't go out or eat since she was too scared but come on--that was like 16 hours ago. I hope nothing is wrong. I gave her a Yellow Bone just now so she's a little calmer but still. If there's one thing I know to expect from my dog it's predictability. She is the queen of routine and for it to be well past midnight with her playing crazy dog-games with herself is definitely not part of the routine. Weird. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Tuesday: November 29, 2005 - Blizzard of Tallahassee We've been experiecing blizzard-like conditions down here for the past week. Temperatures hovering in the high 40s...rain...a slight lake breeze (off Lake Ella). Brr. It doesn't help that the heater is broken at work so we spend most of the day huddled around the open stove and probably only get about an hour of work done between us. Life's rough sometimes. This mini ice-age makes me question if I want to stick with my plan to explore the Outer Hebrides--there might actually be snow there. And no one likes snow. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·

Wednesday: November 30, 2005 - Trivia Night Last night, keeping with our semi- tradition, we went to Gill's for some trivia. Out of the 15 teams or so playing we managed to tie for 3rd at the halfway point (yes, that's right--we get a bar tab) by nailing not only the current news section (damn you, Gregory Peck) but the Name Those Latin and South American Countries as well. chris was a Geography Bee champion so we really just kind of rode on his shoulders. I tried calling my brother Steve to see if we were right about Suriname but he wasn't home and we ended up mislabeling it. Oh well. The second half was awful--books into movies, and Game Shows. Apparently Dick Clark has produced a number of big game shows and that cost us big. We ended up finishing like 7th or something so no bar tab for us.

Tomorrow, thank God, is poker. This has been a long week and I am seriously ready to relax and "earn" some Christmas money. elena's blog somehow got free credit for an update yesterday and for the life of me I can't figure out why. pchris has a multi-job interview today so go read his blog and wish him luck. But don't over-do it because he needs to be unlucky again by the time we play poker tonight. [Comments: 0]· permalink · · ·